Anyhow, so this is the post that catches my eye. There are so many things that caught my attention here, I had to comment.

I, too started blogging for the same reason: community. And you’re right, (and so is @fatboyfat,) that things are different now. I have made some great friends through blogging, but I soooo know where you’re coming from, and often feel the same way. Funny thing. One of my IRL friends started blogging recently and all of a sudden she gets 30-40 comments a day. Are you kidding me? I’ve been at it for over 3 years and it’s a good day if I get more than 3 or 4! I love her, but how on earth did she do that?

I think that what we have to do is find the balance between blogging for ‘us’ and blogging for the community. Most of the time I can handle it, some days I want to write this post. It seems to me, from the comments here, that you have made the connection that you describe, and it has been unfortunately tainted by one hag. Hang in there, most of us members of the blogosphere are here for the same reasons you are and are pretty supportive of one another.

I’ll be back!
Headless Mom´s last blog ..The Drop Off Line

I feel like a geezer saying “WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE…” but a few years ago, hardly anyone had AdSense, and Pay Per Post was born and crashed and burned in a fiery, well-deserved death. Now it’s all about SEO optimization and improved click through rate. There’s hardly anyone out there with the soul of a blogger anymore.

I don’t really like how my IRL and my blogging mix. I wish I had remained anonymous sometimes. Now that everyone knows where I work, I have to be very, very careful what I say. I’m all for accountability, but things could get really messy. But sometimes I drop the effbomb and find some NSFW stuff incredibly funny. I’m a Christian working in a ministry environment, most definitely not even close to perfect. It often makes me feel gagged. When someone IRL comments that they liked a particular post, I’m flattered, but my next thought is, oh, crap, what else did they read? Did they read another post that could get me in trouble at work? But that is all totally my bad; I didn’t think things all the way through when I announced where HunkyDory works.

I think I’m still doing this for me. OK, maybe 75% for me. And I’m over my pity-party, for now anyway. One of the MANY triggers for this little tantrum was that I discovered Erin unfriended me on FB. It’s dumb, but it stung just as hard as it would if someone IRL did the same thing. She may well have a damn good reason for doing so. But I go straight to the worse case scenario, the one where she reads something I said on FB and thinks, damn, she’s stupid. CLICK -> DELETE.

My biggest blogging sin these days is not commenting because I’m so behind in my reader, it’s really too late to pipe up. When you’re reading posts from *gasp* four days ago! (Comments must live in a different section of time and space than everything else does) it seems dumb to throw in your two cents that no one will know existed anyway.

Except the author.

Insert haunting, ironic melody HERE.

I’ve asked myself these questions again and again. But the following insights have given me a little peace of mind over the loast few months.

1) When blogging was new, other bloggers read blogs and posted comments on them. Times have changed.
When what we self-consciously call the ‘blogosphere’ emerged all those years ago, blinking and mewling in the early sunlight, it was very much a closed community. If you had a blog, you’d read other blogs. You would understand the importance of interactivity and happily comment away. A nice little community was born.

But now we have ‘civilians’ tramping through the blogosphere, picking and choosing the articles that interest them. It’s like being in an infinite library. But they don’t know that scribbling notes in the margin is allowed and encouraged. Yes, there are still the boingboings of this world, who get comments a-plenty. But a lot of that is down to older, loyal readers who’ve been there from the get go.

So I’m less worried than I used to be.

2) Real life and blogging can mix
I have far more IRL people reading my blog these days. Partly it’s down to using NetworkedBlogs on Facebook to syndicate my posts, partly it’s because I’m not ashamed to mention it to friends and family. My blog traffic has moved up a little since, but few of them are commenting on the blog (see (1) above). However, what they will do is come up to me in the corridor at work, in the pub or at parties and say things like: “I really loved that post you did about you as a seven-year-old.” They’ll tell me how they wait for my next post, and upbraid me if there’s been a gap in posting.

Real people, real feedback. Beats comments any day of the week!

3) You’re doing this for you, no-one else
Think about what you wanted to achieve when you set out blogging, and consider if this has changed. In my case it was to to document a (failed) weightloss programme, but now Make Lard History is all about challenging myself and having fun as a writer. I like to look back on things I wrote in the past. If it makes anyone else happy, that’s a bonus. If they comment, even better. But because the blog is essentially a selfish thing, I’m no longer worried if it seems that I’m shouting into a vacuum.

And if none of the above convinces you, remember that there is one corner of old England that will forever by Diddly!
fatboyfat´s last blog ..Letter to myself aged seven

–Mary

I’ve decided that my blog is my online journal and I take it as that. I write for me and if someone else reads it and responds then that’s great. I know I have more than 23 followers yet that’s all that publicly follow me. It does bum me out but…hey, it has to be for me or else it’s not worth doing it.

I hope you don’t quit writing your blog but if you do, I at least understand why.

xoxo Andrea

I’m sorry you feel so left out. I definitely notice how much more cohesive East Coast bloggers are. Part of this, I think, is that they’re so much closer to one another. And many are centered in or around DC.

And this is a total tangent, but I feel like this is the only place I can talk about it without overwhelming backlash: I’m sick of the boys club of blogging.

Okay, in the PF blogosphere there are plenty of women bloggers. But there are maybe 2 or 3 really big female-written sites. The rest? Men. And in many cases, the writing isn’t that great. There are some popular blogs out there that I can see the draw. But, like you said, I’m sick unto death of toiling over a post and then seeing some popular blogger writing something that he then fails to back up whatsoever with concrete figures or facts. They talk about basic resources but, unlike lil ole me, don’t go online to find a couple of examples and link to ‘em.

Meanwhile, they get more traffic because a lot of readers assume that a woman’s PF blog is going to be all about groceries, coupons, kids and family life. Even though plenty of men blog about the last two.

You know what REALLY burns me though??? You know why there are so many men blogging vs women (and being particularly successful in terms of readers/comments)? BECAUSE THEY HAVE WIVES. If I had a wife, I’d have plenty of time too. I’m not saying these guys sit on their ass when they’re home. But, no matter how many chores they do, I feel certain (to the point of putting money on the line) that the women do more. A woman going into the office and sitting down to blog, the kids are going to come in. And the dad may not even try to stop them. A man going and sitting in his office? “Not now, Daddy’s busy working.”

Okay, that’s a huge leap. But seriously. You know it’s true. The men have time to devote to marketing their blogs and doing guest posts because they’re not the ones cooking dinner (except for the guys who stay home all day — some even still putting their kids in day care — while the wife works). They’re doing a share of the chores, but it’s rarely 50/50 even in the most modern households. And they’re more likely to be taken seriously with their blogging efforts — both in the house and on the web.

I’m sick of it. I know I don’t always write Pulitzer prize winning stuff. But I’m a good blogger. Except that, because I have health issues and because I have to do a lot of work around the house (we’re working on compromises for chores, something Tim’s ADD won’t interfere with) and keep track of finances and cook and still do my work.

I’m probably just grumbly and all. But this has been something I’ve noticed more and more. The men’s sites are no different from the women’s, but the men tend to post more often — even though they often have shorter posts — and they get more readers from it.

Of course, it doesn’t help that Tim just woke up (AT FOUR PM, keeping late hours lately) and wanted me to call the doctor’s office to see if there’s a psychiatric nurse there. This is after I got up, worked on my blog, did my regular contract work (mostly) and unloaded the dishwasher that he swore up and down he would do (having forgotten about it the past two days) to do MORE dishes so that I can cook dinner in an hour or two. Oh and I called Social Security (spending 15 minutes on hold, which I used to do dishes and discovered that clanking serviceware and cutlery will really mess up an automated system asking you questions), which was a long-standing task I had never gotten done.

But I called. Because I didn’t want to start a fight. And, no, no psychiatric nurse. And you know what he says? Well, could you make some more calls today?

Uh, no. Because as I told you when you got in the shower, I am going to go work out given that I haven’t done it in months and I did it on Saturday and felt great and really hope to get back in the groove.

So, oblivious to the peril his life was in, he actually asked me if I could put off my workout and do some calling sine it was 4:30 p.m. and medical offices would be closed soon.

Did I mention that I do the dishes and clean the tub and cook despite the fact that he doesn’t work? Meanwhile he takes out the trash and refills the water jug. In theory, he’s also supposed to vacuum, do the bathroom sink (which, today, is officially 3 days overdue and he’s added more hair to it since then) and the floors. I think he’s vacuumed once in the four months we’ve been. To be fair, I’ve only vacuumed three times. And once was specifically to get rid of any potential fleas (but that meant vacuuming every square inch of the place). So I’m still doing the majority of the chores, I’m working 20 hours a week, and trying to build my blog — including getting a real site up and running. Oh, and I’ve been mystery shopping to make extra money/get entertainment that we’ll be reimbursed for. AND going online to CL to email him job openings. Because we only have one computer and I’m on it just about all the time, so he rarely remembers to look on his own.

I know this completely turned into a feminist rant. Sorry about that. But I firmly believe it’s all tied together. Most of the bloggers that make us envious can do so because they have luxuries we don’t. Like a job that pays more than $20,000 a year. So they talk about how they really tightened their belts and got out of debt relatively quickly. Then there’s the rest of us who had our belts tight when the debt came around.

And they talk to us about making money and serious blogging. While quitting their day jobs because they have savings to rely on and a spouse who can help out in a pinch. And they talk about all the fun guests posts they do — and meetups they attend. Which makes folks like you and me feel isolated and like losers.

But we’re not. We’re just starting from a different place. I guess, even in blogging, we’re “differently abled.” Bah.

At least I got some ranting out of my system. Though by now I should have almost finished my workout and be started on dinner. Point is, it’s pretty much out of my system…. Stupid blogging boys.

Okay, NOW it’s mostly out of my system.
Abigail´s last blog ..Get Smallpox, get $525