What about me?
It isn’t fair!
I’ve had enough,
now I want my share!
Can’t you see?
I wanna live
But you just take more
than you give
Moving Pictures – What About Me

This is my red flag.

I can be merrily rolling along, the sky’s blue, the birds are singing just for me, when something lands

(THUD.)

Right in the middle of my perfectly good day.

And it doesn’t exactly smell like roses.

It offends my delicate sensabilities, and it might even make my lip curl.

Sometimes I don’t even recognize this, but… at that moment, I have a choice.

I can choose right thinking, and extend people involved some grace and the benefit of the doubt.

Or I can choose wrong thinking, and start spinning conspiracy theories. I might have a well-timed tantrum if the wind blows right. I might even enlist innocent bystanders into my battle, and get them riled up for the cause.

In the middle of my self-righteous railing against a situation I have minimal control over, my grumbling and complaining might have even reached fever pitch before the star of my pity party shows up.

But here it comes. In 3… 2… 1…

What about me?

There it is.

And we’re off!

How dare they take the good stuff and leave me leftovers! What about me? Don’t I deserve good stuff too?

How dare they leave me out of that decision! What about me? Don’t I deserve a say?

How dare they push me aside! What about me? Don’t I deserve to be front and center?

How dare they leave me out of the loop! What about me? Don’t I deserve to be in the know as well?

How dare they not consider how I feel! What about me? Don’t I deserve to be heard?

How dare they be abrupt with me! What about me? Don’t I deserve to be treated well?

How dare they pass me over! What about me? Don’t I deserve to be seen?

What. About. ME?

WHAT. ABOUT. ME?

Sometimes I catch that red flag right away. Sometimes I need Tom to wave that red flag.

But hopefully, eventually, I see that red flag emblazoned with the war cry of selfishness – WHAT ABOUT ME.

And hopefully, eventually, I heed that red flag and stop and think.

Because… new flash… It’s not about me.

It shouldn’t be.

If I’m making it about me, my whole raison d’etre is wrong.

If I’m making it about God, I’m on the right track.

Because if I make it about serving Him in my every step, my every breath, every heartbeat, then He will take care of the rest, much better than I ever could have done.

When I work, when I play; when I serve my husband, when I serve my sons; I’ve got to be doing it for God, not for me.

For this moment, right now, I’ve got that straight.

But I’m sure I’ll see that stupid red flag soon.

Probably in a few minutes.

I’m kind of dense like that sometimes.

I just pray that I see it and then make the right choice before any major damage is done.

I’m all discombobulated.

Shuddup. That’s totally a word.

This job is such a roller coaster.

Some days I come home and think, my good Lord, I love my job. I can hardly believe how lucky I am to be able to help people and get paid for it.

Some days I come home and think, my good Lord, what the hell am I doing? They could pull a monkey off the street to do my job for free.

Some days I come home (at 8:15am!) and I literally pass my husband on the street; I’m on the way home and he’s on the way to work. And I feel sad.

Some nights I leave at 11:45pm as my husband is getting ready for bed, and all I want in this world is to crawl into bed with him and talk about his day until the conversation peters out and I drape an arm over his chest to feel it slowly rising and falling. And I feel lonely.

Some days (nights!) my husband wakes me up for work and says, I’m sorry, you missed your son’s school play while you were sleeping. He did great. It was unbelievable how amazingly he delivered his lines with just the right inflection. And I cry. Then that son says, I wish you could have been there, Mom. I felt you not there. And I cry some more.

I miss living my life with my husband. I miss my sons.

And I pray yet again, Lord, I want to be back in the real world, sleeping at night and living the day, just like everyone else. Am I missing a lesson here? Are you trying to teach me something that I’m just not getting? Teach me louder, Lord. I’m trying to learn.

But… silence. Nothing.

Some days I cannot bring you the funneh. I just don’t have it in me.

I’m sorry.

This video was put together to show you the inside of the ministry I’m a part of.

Mission Of Hope needs your help to disdribute food baskets this Christmas.

Please consider how you can make a difference in someone’s life…

And then read this to find out The Top Ten Items to Donate to Mission of Hope or YOUR Local Mission

Thank you, mah peepull!

Why? Because by Monday, I somewhat resemble a zombie, except the whole yearning to eat your brains part.

Here’s the drill:

On Saturdays I usually sleep until 9 or 10, depending on how late I stayed up Friday night. I try to nap a few hours later so I can make it through the night.

I work 8pm-8am.

If I’m still in pretty good shape, I stay for a little while and talk to the next person on, then go to the 9am service and am usually back home and in bed by 11am. If I feel completely zonked, I just go straight home and am in bed by 9am. I sleep all day, but I can rarely sleep more than four hours at a stretch. I get up at 7pm, just enough time to take a shower and get to work.

I work 8pm-8am again.

When I get home, Tom’s just gotten back from dropping the kids off at school. Since Tom’s schedule is pretty open on Mondays, he usually makes breakfast and we talk for quite a while.

This is where I try to flip my schedule back to The Land of the Living.

I take a nap and try to get up the first time I wake so it’s not longer than a few hours. Then I spend the rest of the day on autopilot, shuffling around the house drooling and not making much sense to anyone. I’m usually ready for bed by 7pm, but I try to push myself to stay up til 10 or 11 so I don’t wake up too early and throw off my Tuesday, because I work second shift and have to make it through midnight.

And every single Monday around suppertime, I ask Tom, “Am I always this tired on Mondays?”

And because he’s wonderful and patient, he just says, “Yes; yes, you are and that’s understandable. You just worked 24 hours in the last 36ish.” And he doesn’t even point out that I’ve asked him this every stinking Monday for the last 8 months.

I have the sneaking suspicion that NaBloPoMo and Mondays aren’t going to be BFFs.

Oh, look at that; I’ve put you to sleep by writing about my sleep. Isn’t that ironic?

Don’t you think?

*wanders off muttering the rest of the lyrics and answering the most demanding of the voices in my head*

Mission of Hope

The Mission of Hope has been busier than ever lately; even busier than after last year’s flood, and that’s really saying something. Supply is short and needs are long. What? What’s that you said? “Really, Dory, I had no idea! How can I help?”

I’m glad you asked!

Well, ok, you didn’t, but that’s never stopped me from shooting off my mouth before, now, has it?

Here it is:

The Top Ten Items to Donate to Mission of Hope or YOUR Local Mission

10. Toiletries

Those hotel-sized shampoos, conditioners, and soaps are great. Also needed: toothpaste, toothbrushes, razors, shaving cream, deodorant, feminine hygiene items, wash cloths, and towels.

9. Cleaning supplies

You would not even believe how much glass cleaner, dishwashing detergent, toilet bowl cleaner, and anti-bacterial soap we go through. We give out cleaning supplies for needy people and also cleaning kits specially put together for flood victims.

8. Used jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts

Many transient men pick up odd jobs in the building trades and need decent attire for the job site.

7. NEW underwear and socks

Um, yeah, how would you like to wear somebody else’s underwear and socks? I thought so.

6. Outdoor wear

There is a huge need for heavy winter coats, gloves, and mittens. Also sorely needed are work gloves that can be worn by men on a construction job site.

5. Bedding

I don’t know about your local mission, but we have tons of people requesting mattress pads, sheets, blankets, pillow cases and pillows. We also give out heavy blankets to homeless who, for whatever reason, don’t/won’t go to shelters and instead they sleep under a bridge or in a parking garage.

4. Used appliances and furniture

Call your Mission and tell them what you have, and they will find a very needy and very appreciative individual who considers it a direct answer to prayer. To you, it’s a five year old stove; to them, it’s a gift from God.

3. Food

Items with a long shelf life are always appreciated. Think canned, jarred, frozen… it helps the staff put odd items together to make a meal, like the spaghetti noodles they got in today and the sauce they got a case of a couple weeks ago. Also, if it’s going to be given away in the food pantry, it’s easier to store and distribute. Single serving portions are simpler to give out, like a box of lunchbox sized bags of chips rather than a big family size bag of Doritos. Yeah, sure, the big bag is the better buy per ounce, but then somebody has to put them in little snack size zippy bags which is very time-consuming.

2. Miscellaneous– Call and ask!

Each Mission is going to be a little different in their needs. For instance, our Mission concentrates on providing men’s clothes, not women’s. If women’s clothes are donated, of course we do not throw them away; they are re-donated somewhere else such as the domestic violence shelter. We appreciate any donations at all, but we are extra thankful for items fulfilling our area of need. Hear me now and believe me later, word gets around on the street as to where to go to get what you need.

Just another example: our Mission serves a noon meal Tuesday through Friday, and we are always in need of a large volume of one food item (rather than a box of cans of all different kinds of food) so we can serve the same lunch to all the people who show up for lunch. If we get in a bunch of hams, a few boxes of velveeta, and several bags of potatoes, WAHLAH it’s time for Ham & Scalloped Potatoes for 140 people. And (bonus plan baby!) it’s a huge load off the mind of whoever has the task of trying to figure out what they’re going to serve a whole bunch of people the next day.

1. Perhaps most important– YOUR TIME

Somebody has to do it, it might as well be you! Somebody has to sort the donated items and put them away, make the sandwiches and serve them, sweep and vacuum, wash the dishes, clean out the refrigerator and shelves… there is literally NO END to the work that needs to be done. Your mission is probably short-staffed due to a tight budget existing only on donations. Volunteers are NECESSARY to stay open.

YOU can make a difference. Yes, YOU! And you won’t believe how great it feels.