It must be something in the water. Mrs. Mustard tagged me for the 7 Random Things meme. Thank God. I opened The Blog Fodder Folder and sneezed at the dust.

Duh, duh-dah daaaaah!
7 Random Things About Me

1. There are more times than I really care to admit that I went without eating because ten minutes of food preparation was just too much work. Sometimes I just can’t be bothered to do anything beyond 1-open freezer and 2-put in microwave. I can cook. I just don’t want to. But oh wait! I cooked tonight! *audience cheers* And I screwed it up. *audience awwwwws*
2. My sweet tooth, isn’t. Besides about two days out of 28, the chocolate? I can take it or leave it. Please don’t take away my Chick Card. Birthday cake? Eh. Cotton candy? *winces* Cookies? *furrows brow* What kind? Chocolate Chip? Maybe one. Oatmeal? Maybe two. Cheesecake? I’ll just have one bite of yours. But. All You Can Cram Down Your Pie Hole Shrimp Night? Where’s my old Maternity/Thanksgiving pants? Lemme just show you how this is done.
3. I have a debilitating disease… Hi, my name is Dory, and I’m addicted to DVDs. *audience chants “Hi, Dory”* I think it’s safe to say that we have over 400 titles. I have a particular weakness for TV on DVD. Friends, Scrubs, Will & Grace, ER, MASH, Sex in the City, dharma & greg, Mad about You, CSI, Grey’s Anatomy… well, that’s just a few.
4. I cannot for the very precious life of me figure out how to pick the right aperture, shutter speed, and ISO all by myself. The closest I’ve gotten was last weekend when I used Aperture- and Shutter-Priority mode instead of Auto or Scene. Manual mode is that snooty, totally put together, botoxed, country club goin’, mimosa drinkin’ before 10:30am, desperate housewife that I am totally intimidated by and will never be able to figure out. I am Manual mode’s ‘bitch’. Seriously, last week I forgot non-fat milk in her latte, and she pursed her lips and bodyslammed me.
5. I love almost any kind of raw dough. Raw eggs? *shrugs* I walk on the wild side, amigos. Mm mm mmmm, pizza crust dough is the best. Oh wait no, pie crust dough. Ohhh, but Hunky’s Mom’s Baking Powder Biscuit dough. Wait, I can’t. It’s akin to choosing a favorite child.
6. The trouble with ADD is… hey, is that a chicken?! I call the green cup. Let’s go ride bikes! Oooo, something shiny. Wait, what?
7. Directions. Bad. Which way’s north? Up? Don’t give me any of this “Turn south, go a half mile, and it’s on the northeast side of the road” stanky fresh cow pie. Give me landmarks, people. “Turn right by the CVS and then left by the Tobacco Outlet. If you see HyVee on your right, you went too far.” Noooowwww you’re a-speakin’ mah language.

I’m sorry, MelodyAnn, I’ll get yours done too. I’m just havin’ some trouble comin’ up with some different answers. And, well, I’m a lazyass. There is that.

Oh, and thanks for all the great suggestions for the Shameless Comment Whore Button! I’m gonna work on that sometime tomorrow.

Rip it. Rip it all up real good then burn it, because Big Brother is always watching. And listening. Shhhhhhhhh. Be vewy, vewy qwiet. I’m hunting wabbits, you know.

Melodyann tagged me! I’m IT!

3 Things I haven’t let go…

1. Self-flagellation. I am my own worst critic. Always have been; and barring a miracle, always will be. I have the remarkable ability to mentally beat on myself about anything, anyone, anytime. Parenting, project progress, housework, career, spiritual life, friendship, mental issues, ; you name it (or don’t, because I’m just that good at it) and I can whip out the criticism and wrap it around me like a cape faster than a speeding bullet. It’s like a superpower, really. Sometimes Hunky is the cape; sometimes he’s the kryptonite.
2. My dream of having a barn. Growing up on a farm and doing chores, I don’t know how many times I said to myself, my barn will be different than this barn. Mom’s barn was messy. She would go to the Shipsi auction and get a box of stuff for one price. She’d pull out the one thing she bought the box for, then throw the box of leftover stuff in the corner “just in case”. Just in case what? Just in case you ever buy a 1964 Farmall Tractor and it just needs one piston to run? Just in case you have a burgundy porcelain ceramic insulator emergency and only one will do? Anyway. It was just a given. Not if I have a barn; when I have a barn. I was going to grow up, get my barn, get married, and have babies. It just hasn’t happened necessarily in that order. And inside that barn I’ll have a couple horses to trail ride, a few chickens to make me some double-yolked brown eggs, a goat to waddle around and be cute, and a pig who I shall name “Freezer-Bound”.
3. My belief in God, and the notion that people are good until they prove otherwise. The good people theory has only bit me in the butt a few times in my life, and for now I’m hangin’ onto it.

I will tag Hunky, Kenz (my ‘real world’ galpal), and fatboyfat (BTW, I cringe inwardly whenever I call you that, do you have another nickname?!).

Sometimes blog reading is like watching a soap.

*Urgent Narrator voice*

Foggy City Mommy got some radiation from one of the corpses she was working on at the morgue… will she make it?! (Seriously, though, when I read the entry her friend posted that she was in ICU, literally, tears came to my eyes, and I yelled out loud, “NOOOooooooooo!”)

*shot of frantic doctors yelling ‘Clear!’ and using the paddles*

Tune in tomorrow! Tomorrow?! Are you friggin’ kiddin’ me?!?! I can’t wait until tomorrow to find out if she’s ok!!!

Then Melodyann scared the snot out of me and fell off the planet. All day Thursday I fretted, then finally had to email her, and Friday found her bouncing back a little. Hang in there, woman.

Heather is explaining troubles with her kids’ school and the jerkwads that teach there, and I use the term teach loosely here. Seems they’re more worried about labeling children than teaching them. Only she’s breaking it up into chapters when I want to read all night long under the blankets with a flashlight until the happy ending. I like me some happy endings.

Yesterday, Mrs. Mustard blogged about Free Rice.

Thanks, Mrs. M… HunkyDory was SUCKED IN. They should post a “Warning: Can Be Highly Addictive” on the home page.

I started it at 7.15 and got up to level 40. Around 7.30 I asked Hunky a word. He answered that one and then just stayed and we worked together. At 7.45 I asked him, “Does this quiz have an end?” He seemed to think so, so we kept going. At 8.05, my friend arrived to pick me up to go help her with her homework, so I told H, “Just leave this up and we’ll finish when I get back.”

I walked back in the house at 9.45 and we started again. I posited that perhaps the test quits after a certain number of rice are earned (see, I used one of my new words! *chuckles*). Hunky is better at the weird nouns and I’m better at the words you can break down into root words, and we’re about equal on the rest. We said “Just One More Word” about a gazillion 27 times, and well after 5100 grains of rice, at 12.30am, I ‘called uncle’ and stumbled bleary-eyed to bed. We stayed pretty much level 43ish, but got as high as level 47 a few times. H is back on there today. I just checked and he’s got 7220 grains of rice. But I got too close and he snarled and snapped at me, then growled real low with his teeth barred. I’m a little worried. I may have to invest in a shock collar.

I took a bunch of pictures yesterday, but wasn’t thrilled with the results. The colors are about done, so for me, fall is over and I’m going to pout and hibernate until spring comes. I might come out for Thanksgiving and Black Friday shopping, and possibly Christmas and maybe New Year’s Eve. But the rest of it, fugeddabowdit. I’m on strike, protesting the injustice that is Iowa weather. When I’m not sleeping, that is. You can try to wake me on St. Patrick’s Day, but the green beer isn’t worth it. I’ll hit the snooze until the first robin comes back from vacation.

Rip it, roll it, but don’t smoke it. Don’t do drugs, kids, mmmkaaay?

I signed up for a free sitemeter account a few days ago, intrigued by posts I read where the bloggers were telling what people had googled and stumbled on their site. After only a few days, I actually saw a couple interesting ones pop up.
“famous people in Melba Idaho” What was this teacher smoking to come up with such a weird idea for a report? Poor kid.
“antichrist turkey vulture” Which creepy damn zoo are you researching?

Here’s a meme I came across and decided to do for poops & chuckles. Let me maintain another delusion that you may want to know more about me, mkay?

4 Jobs I’ve Held

1. MCI – taking abuse from disgruntled customers over the phone
2. McLeodUSA – taking abuse from disgruntled customers over the phone and later moved up to working with other phone technicians to switch folks to McLeodUSA
3. Pearson Educational Measurement – designed (and I use that term VERY loosely) forms and testing booklets for national standardized testing. Insert tab a into slot b. repeat. *yawn*
4. A print shop here in CR with less than 25 employees and 2M/month sales headed up by an evil garden gnome and primarily supported by a female baboon whose main hobbies were wielding the almighty power that she was the top salesperson, hating me, pissing all over my desk, and licking the jar on the shelf with aforementioned evil garden gnomes’ tiny little nuts floating in formaldyhyde. But the important thing is I’m Not Bitter.

4 Films I Could Watch Over and Over

1. Finding Nemo
2. About Last Night…
3. Cats
4. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

4 TV Shows I Watch

1. Friends (I’ve watched all 10 seasons at least 4 times)
2. Scrubs
3. Grey’s Anatomy
4. American Idol (but only the first couple episodes of the season with the frighteningly embarrassingly horrible auditions)

4 Places I’ve Lived

1. Coldwater, Michigan
2. Quincy, Michigan
3. Cedar Rapids, Iowa
4. A perpetual state of anxiety

4 Favorite Foods

1. Steak, medium rare
2. Chicken Wrap
3. Ice Cream – Chocolate with Cherries and Chocolate Covered Caramel Bits
4. Faygo Rock n’ Rye

4 Websites I Visit Everyday

1. Flickr
2. Amazon or eBay
3. Hotmail and/or Yahoo!
4. Google Reader (trying keep up with almost 40 blogs AND comment somewhat regularly)

4 Favorite Colors

1. Green, both Kelly and Lime
2. Orange, both Pumpkin and Nectarine
3. Candy Apple Red
4. Plum

4 Places I Would Love to Be Right Now

1. In a beautiful hotel wandering between the hot tub, the hotel bar for a glass of merlot and a smoke, and propped up in bed with at least a half dozen pillows watching movies with Hunkaliscious
2. Working in a fantastic graphic designer position
3. Strolling down Sac and Fox Trail with my Hunk, my boys, and my dog
4. Shopping with my girlfriends and a winning lottery ticket in my pocket

4 Names I Love But Would/Could Not Use for my Children

1. Jaron (which The Ex unabashedly stole and used for his son)
2. Jahrissa
3. Noah
4. Mahleah (say Molly)

Since no one tagged me, I won’t tag anyone. But feel free if you have extra time.

Punch it, dude. Out.

It seems no matter how much I get done, instead of feeling accomplished, I feel even more behind. My ppc has a task list feature complete with a reminder on the ‘today’ screen, so now I have digitized neuroticism.
I got all the boys’ clothes sorted and put away, but I haven’t even touched their winter clothes yet. I still have to sort through those and put into “still fits R”, “now fits D”, and “Goodwill” piles then get them put away in their dressers. While I’m at it, I’m going to force myself to give up a large chunk of my winter wardrobe. I have items that have been through at least three winters and never actually been worn.
Are you sitting down? Good. I finally started the curtains for the office tonight! Yay!
I filled out all the boys’ school forms and took them to open house at school to meet their teachers today. A Dinosaur-sized meltdown was narrowly avoided on the way into school. He was still being all weird after we got inside, so the teachers got a glimpse of the Crap Sandwiches he can serve up. I met both boys’ teachers. They both have regular teachers, then they both have Spec Ed teachers, Speech Therapists and Paras built into their IEPs. Rocky’s teacher seems to be just right for him, she’s pleasant but has good puttin-da-smackdown potential. I already knew his Spec Ed teacher, (and I like her) and his Para, so that was no surprise. Dino’s teacher is all brand-new and fresh-faced, and has absolutely no clue what’s about to hit him. His Spec Ed teacher seems fine and his Para too. School starts Tuesday. I’m waiting with bated breath right along with every other mom that has been at home all day long with the bored young’uns for the past 12-ish weeks. Tuesday morning at about 8:10am will find me on the way home from dropping the kids off for the first day of school and wishing that it was societally correct to chug a morning celebratory beer. The first day is a half day, wassup with that?! So kids start back Tuesday, ASL 3 starts in a week for yours truly, and Hunky’s back in school August 29. Wooooot.

Man, the summer has flown by. What with all the job applications and the couple freelancing jobs I picked up and tackling a multitude of mundane house projects, summer snuck right by me. I finished up the big freelance project I took on, but they’re dragging their heels on paying me, which really worries me. I was told at first that they would pay me a couple days after delivery of the project to the event, then when over a week went by, I im’d the main contact I had to tell him I hadn’t received a check yet, and he apologized profusely and said it would be more like three weeks since they were going to cut the check at their next meeting. They owe me over $1100, which I’ve already promised to the mortgage company. Then we got two certified letters from the IRS today reminding us that because of an oversight back in 2004, we owe an additional $870. Ain’t bein’ a grownup grand?!

I probably built up the naughty sex toy party and sign language combination a little too much, but that’s ok, right? Friday night I had a party, and a good time was had by all. I made walking tacos and many drank a little more than is socially correct. :) Anywho, a very good friend I made back in January-ish when I started hangin’ out in the Deaf community was there. Her husband had taught me a bunch of the more raunchy signs, and this knowledge came in very handy when there were a few times during the evening that I did a little interpreting between her and the Passion Party Consultant. I had to laugh when at one point the consultant stopped and said, “Wait, what was that sign again?!” If you want, go check out her website and if you order anything, we’ll get it to you. :)

Finally, Rebecca tagged me so you can blame her for the next rambling paragraph.
Why do I blog?
I suppose you deserve a better reason than “why not?”.
I started blogging in 2003 over at LiveJournal when me and the mister were separated. I wrote mostly to bitch vent. I wrote sporadically and sported this whole bitter-angsty vibe (as opposed to the cheery-angsty vibe? Duh.). In April I moved over to blogger and took the clean-slate opportunity to lighten the frick up. Now I blog to entertain/inform my real-life friends of the plot line on the Dory Show, and maybe even garner some attention from new victimes people out there in InternetLand. I also blog just because I enjoy writing. As I said yesterday, I just love words, and I always have. I love the emotions I evoke for myself and others, and I enjoy making words play nicely together. In my kindergarten play, I got to be the narrator because I was the only kid in class that could already read. All through school when the teacher assigned reading/writing exercises, the other kids groaned, but I was in my element. In those moments, it didn’t matter that I felt completely awkward socially, didn’t know quite how to fit in, and my peers didn’t know quite how to take me. It was just me and words and my imagination, and we got along fine.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude.

The Hunk tagged me. I’ll get him for that later. He owes me anyway.

“Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.”

1. I live in a world full of Charlie Brown Adults. I am hard of hearing. I have a degenerative nerve disease that causes my inner ear to not repair itself when it’s damaged. I have almost no midtones left but still have some hearing in the treble and bass range. I may be Deaf by the time I’m 50 or 60. I’m taking sign language classes and teaching my friends and family in the hopes that by the time I am Deaf, I will be completely fluent in ASL. I have about 40% hearing left, I’m guessing, so I’m not deaf, but I’m also not hearing, which can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. I often wish that some morning I’ll wake up either completely healed or completely deaf. I’ve had about enough of living in limbo.
2. I must count things that are repetitive. I don’t have to do them a certain number of times, but I must count in my head, and sometimes under my breath. For example, when I’m standing in front of the paper towel dispenser in the rest room, I must count how many times I hit the handle.
3. I have strong faith. I don’t care if I do get completely flamed for this, but that guy that came up with the whole “Religion is the opiate of the masses” thing can just bite me. I’m still on the face of this earth only because there is a God in heaven that watches over me, guides me, blesses me, corrects me, and tells me how He wants me to live. I do wrestle with some of the issues, but for the most part, I’m all, Yay God!
4. I’m not the mom I thought I’d be. I pictured all these wonderful Kodak Moments and I want my money back. I do a pretty decent job as The Darling Wife as The Hunk can attest to. But I admit I’m way too selfish to be the mom I thought I’d be.
5. I hate being wet; I’m like a cat. I’m all about the tanning and reading a good book, But I’ll pass on actually getting in a pool, unless my friends are making strong threats. Which they’ve been known to do, and also carry through on. I don’t mind showering, because I promise I do do that every day; but within three seconds of the water ceasing, the towel is all over my face, rubbing it dry fast enough to risk setting my head aflame.
6. I have items on my To Do or Die List that are over a year old. Seriously. I also have unfinished craft projects over 10 years old. *sigh*
7. I have a motorcycle I am completely terrified of. Kawasaki 440LTD. I hate the feeling of being so out of control and not knowing how what I might do is going to affect the motorcycle. I hate feeling so incompetent. Every moment I’m on the damn thing, I feel like it’s going to prove to everyone around me what an idiot I am. Which leads me to…
8. I was in a motorcycle accident Thursday night. All the sordid details are here. I have road rash on the heel of my left hand, my left knee, and I’m probably going to lose my left toenail. I was a dumbass wearing flip flops on a motorcycle because I couldn’t be bothered to take two minutes and go into the house and get socks and shoes. But I was wearing my helmet.

Now I’m supposed to tag 8 people to torture do this same thing. I don’t have 8 that haven’t already done this, but I will tag The Seester, The Poodle Queen, Phil, Fiona, Jess, and Brown Eyed Girl.

Remember that sticker that I made for my mom’s trailer? My stepfather may have hooked me up with a place to SELL THEM. Rock ON! Further updates as events warrant.

That meeting I mentioned last post went Oh-so-very-well. I’ve put in several hours this week and am going to bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan. But Hunky is doing dishes.

Not my best work here tonight. But that happens. Moving on.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Party on, Wayne.