Thank God for broken databases at work, because now I have time to post! Until they fix the database, anyway. I’ll take what I can get.

This one has been sitting in drafts for, like, EVer… Rebecca tagged me a looooong time ago…

4 Jobs I’ve Held:

1. Delivered (legal!) drugs to housebound folks for a small-town pharmacy
2. MP in the Army
3. Inbound customer service representative
4. Graphic Designer

4 Movies I’ve Watched Over and Over Again:
(I’m not going to mess with linking them… you know ‘em, you love/hate ‘em, you probably own them already.)

1. The Cutting Edge
2. The Breakfast Club
3. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
4. Coyote Ugly

4 Places I’ve Been:

1. Estes Park
2. South Padre Island
3. Niagra Falls
4. Matamoros, Mexico

4 Places I’ve Lived:

1. Fremont, Michigan
2. Coldwater, Michigan
3. Quincy, Michigan
4. Cedar Rapids, Iowa

4 TV Shows I Watch:
(Bear in mind these are all TV on DVD. I don’t watch actual network TV much at all. I’ve probably watched maybe one hour in the last month.)

1. Friends
2. Scrubs
3. House
4. CSI (The one with Grissom)

4 Radio Shows I Listen To:
(Subscribed via Podcast.)

1. Focus on the Family with Dr. James Dobson
2. Family Life with Dennis Rainey
3. Enjoying Everyday Life with Joyce Meyer
4. Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram

4 Things I Look Forward To:

1. End-of-shift on Friday
2. Uninterrupted, unscheduled time with Hunky
3. Affection from the boys, as long as I know they’re doing it “just because” and not to suck up to get out of trouble
4. An evening with good food, good friends, good conversation, and laughing ’til we wet ourselves a little

4 Favorite Foods:

1. Raspberries
2. Grapefruit
3. Steak, medium rare
4. Mt. Dew

4 Places I’d Rather Be:

1. Napping
2. Home in my office playing with my photos and watching TV on DVD
3. On the couch watching a movie with my dog and my bankie
4. In West-by-God-Virginia to meet Miss Ann

4 People I E-Mail Regularly:
(I don’t initiate emails much. I mostly just respond. I don’t forward anything unless it’s a really good one.)

1. My step-mom
2. My dad
3. My Vocational Rehab guy, I keep plugging away at getting this Self-Employment thing off the ground
4. I try to email a response back to each comment on my blog (people, either leave your email or have your email easy to find on your blog!) :)

4 People I’ve Tagged:
I believe I’ve forfeited my tagging rights what with the terrible tardiness I’ve shown in getting to this. If you wanna, go for it; if you don’t; don’t.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Bahdahbebadebahdebahbahthth That’s all, folks!

MelodyAnn e-mailed this. I don’t take these things real seriously and it’s good blog fodder so here goes…

1. What time did you get up this morning? around 9am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Isn’t that a 90s song by Prince?
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Open Season
4. What is your favorite TV show? Scrubs
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? a nervous breakdown
6. What is your middle name? Procrastination
7. What food do you dislike? The yucky kind
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? A Merry Jazzmas
9. What kind of car do you drive? The kind that’s dented, dirty, got 120k miles, and is paid for
10. Least favorite sandwich? Crap Sammichs
11. What characteristic do you despise? bigotry
12. Favorite item of clothing? None. *evil grin*
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Anywhere there’s sand, sun, and happy hour starts at 1pm
14. What color is your bathroom? WalMart special white
15. Favorite brand of clothing? Levi’s or Converse
16. Where would you retire to? I retire to my boudoir every evening.
17. What was your most memorable birthday? The one when Nanner got me a cake from HyVee and she got the Bakery Chick to write “Nessa Bessa Boodle Chicken Noodle” on it
18. Favorite sport to watch? lesbian midget jell-o wrestling
19. When is your birthday? Only once a year.
20. Are you a morning person or a night person? I’m a 4:37pm person.
21. What is your shoe size? That’s classified information
22. Pets? The Elli – my beloved JRT; and my cats The Elmer (aka Dumb as a Box of Hair), and The Emma (aka Snotty Little Cheerleader Bitch).
23. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with us? Sure. I’m pregnant. And monkeys might fly out my butt.
24. What did you want to be when you were little? Big. Now I’m big and I want to be little.
25. What are you today? Disenchanted. Disoriented. Discombobulated.
26. What is your favorite candy? Eye candy. Matthew McConaughey shirt-less. Lucky for me, he likes to disrobe a lot.
27. What is your favorite flower? Gold Medal
28. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Well, I don’t buy anything from Publisher’s Clearing House so since Ed McMahon is not going to show up at my door with a great big check one of these days, I’ll go with None of the Above.
29. What church do you attend? The Temple of TMI
30. What is your full name? Dory Procrastination Blue-Tang
31. What are you listening to right now? the voices in my head
32. What was the last thing you ate? Popcorn and bite-size Butterfingers
33. Do you wish on stars? No, but it makes no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will coooome to yoooou.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Granny Smith Apple Green
35. How is the weather right now? Frightful. But the fiiiire is soooo delightful.
36. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Probably Tom. I gave up my cell phone in May to switch to text/IM only. Sometimes I try to talk on Tom’s phone but I have a hard time understanding. Actually, now that I think about it, I talked to Kizzle just a little bit ago on Tom’s phone. I caught the gist of it, but I hope there’s not a pop quiz on the convo! I’ll probably make her tell the story again next time I see her face-to-face! *laughs*
37. Do you like the person who sent this to you? No. I loooove her in a totally non-lesbian lover sort of way!
38. Favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew
39. Favorite restaurant? Roadkill Grill
40. Hair color? Purple with pink dots
41. Siblings? 7. Not sure where they all are now. I was raised by wolves.
42. Favorite day of the year? National Psychosis Awareness Day
43. What was your favorite toy as a child? My pony
44. Summer or winter? Spring or fall, because I’m difficult like that
45. Hugs or kisses? Cold Hard Cash
46. Chocolate or Vanilla? Twist
47. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday
48. What is under your bed? 6 drawers
49. What did you do last night? finished cleaning the boys’ rooms and watched Scrubs
50. What are you afraid of? Plushophiles
51. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn? Whatever that cute Eagle Scout has in his bag
52. How many keys on your key ring? None; they took them away when they checked me in
53. How many years at your current job? Been a worthless jobless festering sore on society since May 25
54. Favorite day of the week? They’re all pretty much the same these days
55. Cities you have lived in? Fremont, Michigan; Coldwater, Michigan; Quincy, Michigan and Cedar Rapids, Iowa
56. Favorite saying? Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude.

This is for my friend MelodyAnn…

1. What’s your favorite Christmas carol?
I can’t decide between Sleigh Ride or Carol of the Bells. I love them best by The Boston Pops Orchestra.
2. Is your tree up yet? Is it real or artificial?
It went up a week after Black Friday (by the way, I consider Black Friday a holiday in and of itself). It is a fake tree, and pre-lit which I thought was going to be sooo cool. That damn thing only worked one year. The next year we got it out and one row of lights wouldn’t light up. And in addition to being a piece of crap, it’s stubborn too; Hunky, who is a Journeyman Electrician, couldn’t fix it.
3. If you could travel through time and spend Christmas day with ANY person, EVER, in the history of all time, who would you choose? Why? Let’s make it harder: It must not be a deceased loved one.
I would want to be at the first real Christmas. In a cold, nasty, stanky, Holy stable.
4. What was your best ever Christmas present?
Hunkster got me a diamond pendant necklace the first Christmas we were back together. I’ve worn it every single day since then. Honorable Mention goes to my step-brother and his wife with a card offering a couple hours of babysitting. Oh, and one year they got me candy-cane striped high-top chucks. These aren’t my faves because of dollar amount; but rather the thought that was put into them.
5. What was your worst?
I can’t remember one particular gift; but I can remember that the Christmas I was 11 sucked ass. I didn’t get anything on my wish list, anything really special or thoughtful. It’s like everyone generically asked a salesperson, “What should I get a 11 year girl? Oh yeah? Gimme one of those.” Or maybe I was just practicing being ungrateful, sullen, and angst-ridden almost-teen.
6. If you could have one thing, anything you wanted, but ONLY from 12:01 AM Christmas morning until midnight Christmas night, what would it be? Remember that it will disappear after midnight, although the memory will not. Let’s make it harder: It can NOT be time spent with a deceased loved one.
I would like the entire time completely alone with Hunky in the most beautiful, peaceful resort on earth.
7. Did/Do your kids believe in Santa?
Somewhat. Every time either of them have asked (and it hasn’t been often), I answer, “Santa is a really nice idea, isn’t he?” I don’t put any From: Santa gift tags or make a big deal about leaving anything out for Santa. I think Rocky was in third grade when he said, “No, really, mom, is he really real?” and I asked him, “What do you think?” and he said, “I think he’s a really nice idea, too.” And then I reminded him not to ruin it for his brother. HunkyDory tries to focus on what Christmas is really about. I don’t even have Santa decorations.
8. Do you watch all the cheesy Christmas shows, and if so, what is your favorite one?
I do, and have many of them on DVD! The Grinch is my favorite.
9. If you could do one great and noble thing, one act of charity and/or good will, what would it be, AND…. would you still do it if no one would ever know that it was you who did it? I expect you to be honest, here….
Cure cancer and Alzheimer’s Disease and give the drug regimen away to anyone who wanted it. I’m pretty sure I would.
10. Does your family have any special traditions for Christmas? If so, what’s your favorite one?
When I was really little, like single digits little, we stayed every Christmas Eve at my mom’s sister’s house. My uncle and older cousins would put hay out for the reindeer and after we went to sleep, they would go gather it back up so we would see that the reindeer ate the snack they put out for them.
My mom always got my sister and I new jammies and wrapped them up and let us open them on Christmas Eve so we’d have new jammies to wear that night. When I was 16, she got me some real Dr. Denton’s in my size! I kept that up with my boys. I don’t think they care about it as much as I did when I was their age, but it may mean something to them later.
Every Christmas Day before we open gifts at Hunk’s folks’ place, Dad reads the Christmas Story out of the Bible. I love that.
Also, I think we started a new tradition that we’ll continue. Two years ago, Hunky went and got Chinese take-out for dinner. Last year, he did it again and as we were passing the food around the table, I said, “Hey, didn’t we do this last year?”
Oh, and the last two years in a row on Christmas Eve, we had a stress-induced, yelling, stomping, door-slamming, me-leaving-in-a-weepy-huff fight. I informed him that should that particular tradition not make a reappearance, that makes it way more likely for him to get what he really wants for Christmas.

I’m not going to tag anyone to do this since Miss MelodyAnn didn’t really call her holiday questions a meme, but it’s good thought-provoking questions if you need something to write about!

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Leave a trail of tinsel in case you get lost.

Oh, so that’s what happened! I can dig it.

Another example of random weird quote that I plucked out of an actual conversation with Hunky:
“Oh, so cooters and sea salt rub don’t play nicely together?”
Caution: This could be a recurring feature.

I’ve been meaning to pick up some more rechargeable AA batteries because they’ve been inexplicably disappearing for quite some time now, but they’re upwards of $10 a four pack at WalFart so I’ve been putting it off. For some weird reason, seven have shown up in the last two days. People, that’s like the dryer horking all those missing socks up at once. They’re sitting here on my desk, triumphant as the welcomed prodigal son. Hmph. Weird.

And apparently today is Blog Crush Day. Quite unfortunately, but par for the course, my crush does not know I exist. Back in 2004, after watching Bob Guiney choose Estella McWhiny-Ho (and yelling a string of obscenities at the TV that would rival a seasoned construction worker), I googled “Bob and Estella” to see if Botella were still together. One of the top hits was Erin at Out of Character (she went by Estella back then). And the heavens rent and the angels sang blushed and tittered around the computer in the break room, and I was hooked. I still have her bookmarked as “i can’t even float in water this deep” as that was her tagline back then. I’ve commented on her blog a few times, but like any crush, I turn to a pathetic puddle of “Kdasf… sfxoems… wlcmd. Nsmjc.” and drool, lest the object of my crushy affection turn her cool gaze upon the geekiness that is me. Once I might have managed to actually formulate a semi-coherent comment, but it was something embarrassingly lame like “I like you You’re funny HAHAHaHahahahaha.” The closest I came to my crush was a couple months ago when she commented over at Hunky’s house. A scummy olive fog of jealous sorrow settled on me for like, minutes, but I photoshopped the Jake’s head to Erin’s body and giggled maniacally. Then I realized that, too, was completely lame-o; if I was any respectable sort of a Erin-blogstalker, I would’ve used Microsoft Paint. It is the only time since I discovered Macs in 2004 that I wished that I had a PC in the house. Why is Miss Erin my bloggy crush? I enjoy her voice, her talent for plucking a random idea out of thin air and making it absolutely hilarious, and she seems like the kind of chick that you could go out and get some beers with, and end up puking not from being drunk, but rather from laughing so much. I can’t even count the times I’ve sat here and read her blog, laughing so hard I was literally crying. Sat here with tears streaming down my face, rubbing the stitch in my side and gasping for air. There was a time when I came very close to quitting blogging because I thought I didn’t write well, because I didn’t write like her. BEG encouraged me, and I moved over from LiveJournal to Blogger to start with a clean slate. I realized that it was ok that I didn’t write like Erin, because that was her voice, not mine. Now I’ve found my voice, and most of the time I even kind of don’t mind it.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. But never let them see you sweat.

MelodyAnn said I hafta read Fun Home, by Alison Bechdel. I obliged and went to the library to pick it up. I started reading it last night, and it makes me feel a little bit dumb. I’m used to opening a book and either reading it with no problem, or realizing quickly that I am way out of my league. In some parts, I recognize the words but can’t comprehend the meaning. Kinda like “The marauding sloth erectile perpetuity vicariously qualmish.” So I back the truck up and try again; I attempt to focus on the words and search for synonyms to make the sentence make sense; all the while my brain fights me, screaming “Let’s go, let’sgo, letsgoletsgoletsgoletsgo!” Thank God it’s only like that in spots.

MelodyAnn also tagged me for the 4 meme, but I just can’t come up with any new answers. So I saw another meme that was called 100 things about me. I’ll attempt that one. 100 is a really really big number when it comes to little ol’ me, so I reserve the right to get help from Hunky and/or make shit up. If I resort to that, I’ll be real obvious. Maybe. *evil grin*

Without further ado, 100 things about me…

1. God rawks.
2. I treat others the way I would like to be treated.
3. I am a great wife.
4. I am a good mother.
5. I am a good girlfriend.
6. I love my Jack Russell Terrier more than any other dog I’ve ever had in my life.
7. I am a graphic artist.
8. I am on number 8, and I am already stalled out.
9. I like woodworking.
10. I like machine quilting.
11. I like reading a lot of different kinds of literature. Love most Chick Lit, Dry Comedies (David Sedaris rawks), Drama/Relationship, Mystery, How-To books, Self-help, Spiritual growth… No Romance, Clive Cussler-esque, Sci-fi, or Dungeons and Dragons and Majic. *wrinkles nose* Icky.
12. Hunky says I have to put, “I like sex with Hunky.”
13. Well, I do like sex with Hunky. 12 years later and it’s even better. Married sex rawks.
14. I am a cheesehead.
15. I am frustrated because I want to learn ASL faster.
16. I am really good in Photoshop.
17. I am pretty ok with Illustrator.
18. I am best in InDesign.
19. I want to be a great photographer.
20. I like iced tea in the summer and coffee in the winter.
21. I like iced tea straight. Or just a little raspberry added.
22. I like coffee all doctored up with cream and sugar, hot cocoa powder, and/or a shot of Starbucks Raspberry.
23. My favorite dinner is steak, medium rare, and a loaded baked potato.
24. It makes me indescribably happy when I see all my DVDs in perfect alphabetical order.
25. The best part of buying a DVD is putting it in the right spot on the shelf in perfect alphabetical order.
26. I have literally thousands of pictures that I would like to get sorted and scan the negatives.
27. I like Dr. James Dobson. Iamnot does not. And that’s ok.
28. I really like Joyce Meyer. I wish that I could have dinner with her. And coffee and dessert. And I bet she would get tired of talking to me before I got tired of talking to her. I bet she would have to say, “Oh, for the love… it’s 3am, and woman, you just need to shut up already.”
29. My birthday is December 19. Having a birthday that close to Christmas sucks ass.
30. I do not like Tom Brady. Tombrady=bedwetter.
31. I am a PartyLite consultant but I haven’t had a party in months because I hate begging people to have parties.
32. I am beyond frustrated and charging full steam ahead towards starting to doubt my talent and skills in graphic design because I can’t get a damn job.
33. I just indulged in a two minute pity party after that last one. I think I’m over it.
34. I can write upside down.
35. I got my first pony when I was 18 months old. Her name was Snowball. I don’t remember her.
36. My next pony I got when I just turned 7. His name was Alcapony. My mom named him that because he could escape from anywhere.
37. I grew up on a farm. We had 22 acres off a small lake. One winter night after the lake froze over, Alcapony took one of our mares and three of the neighbor’s horses on little jaunt across the lake and my dad had to go out at 2am and bring them all home and deliver the neighbor’s horses back to him. That was the first time I heard my dad drop the F-bomb.
38. My cousin, who was so much older than me that I had to call her aunt, inherited her mother’s (my mom’s sister) thoroughbred horse farm. I spent quite a bit of time over there, including several different Kentucky Derby parties. My family was a staunch proponent of the whole “children should be seen and not heard” idea.
39. I could have split up that last one, but the first sentence and the third sentence both really weren’t about me. And the rules are 100 things about me, not 100 things about me and the also the history so you understand the thing about me better. I like rules. Rules bring structure. Rules make choices less overwhelming. Rules are the yellow lines in the road.
40. I am not above bending the rules. I drive 10 over everywhere I go.
41. I first learned to drive when I was about 13 years old. We had an old 1980ish white Ford Ranger, and it had stick shift. It took my Dad hours and hours to teach me how to shift properly. I haven’t owned a stick shift since then. I can still drive one if you’re going to insist, but I’m going to resent every minute of it.
42. I showed horses and home ec projects in 4H from age 8-17. I also showed sheep and chickens, but just one year each to try it out and that was about enough for me. Sheep are exceptionally stupid, and exceedingly dirty.
43. I can imitate the clucking of a hen well enough to fool a chicken.
44. I also had ducks and geese. The ducks weren’t really good for much except pooping everywhere and giving us ginormous eggs to color on Easter. The geese hated the little green truck and would peck its tires from the moment it hit the driveway until about five minutes after it was parked.
45. To teach me about money, for several years I sold eggs. My folks bought the chicks and the feed up until we separated the roosters from the hens. Then the roosters were butchered, destined for the freezer, and it was then my responsibility to buy the feed. I fed and watered them, and collected and washed eggs morning and night. I would carton them up, then I’d harness my pony to the cart and take the eggs to all the neighbors and sell them for 75 cents a dozen.
46. We had goats too, which I loved. Goats are cute and friendly but they poop raisins everywhere. The Seester was allergic to milk so Mom milked the nanny goat morning and night and we all drank the goat’s milk. Goat’s milk makes Vitamin D milk taste like water. It’s really rich.
47. I had a few ponies and a couple horses over the years.
48. My favorite pony was Alcapony. He was white with a few black spots on his rear and the back of his legs. By the time he died, all his spots fell off.
49. My favorite horse was Missy. She was a buckskin. She liked Pepsi and gummi bears. She also knew when our names were called in a class and she’d walk up to get our ribbon without even a cue from me. Later, we bred her to my mom’s paint stud, and we got Andy, who turned out tobiano with gold spots. I think that was The Seester’s favorite horse, but I’m not sure.
50. I’m halfway done! Yay me!
51. I rode my horse whenever I could. We would take off after lunch and might not come home until sundown. If we cantered on the blacktop, my mom could hear it from the house and would ground us from our horses for a week, which was worse than torture.
52. When my parents divorced after 19 years of marriage, I chose to go live in town with Dad, and The Seester stayed out on the farm with Mom.
53. The first time I came back out to the farm for visitation with Mom, I discovered that she sold my horse without telling me first, and I was heartbroken. She told me since I wasn’t there to help with chores or take care of the barn, then I didn’t deserve to have her. She was probably right. But I was crushed.
54. I didn’t even have video games until I was around 14. It was an Odyssey.
55. We didn’t have a computer until a little while after the Commodore 64 came out. I remember storing programs on cassette tapes, and writing programs in Basic.
56. I’m going to go fold a couple loads of laundry and come back later, because I feel reeeeally guilty for sitting here in front of the computer all day.
57. I just got a lot done! Made dinner, made my Shameless Comment Whore Button, went downtown and visited Hunky at the sleep out (I’ll get a pic up shortly), folded a couple loads of clothes, and here I am again!
58. I have sat here for about 20 minutes, trying to think of something to write.
59. I have to stop any caffeine intake around 4pm or I’ll find myself staring at the ceiling all night long, terribly, terribly awake.
60. I’m trying to cut down on Mt. Dew. I used to drink about 36 ounces a day, and now I only drink 12.
61. I met Hunky in a French college class. I got an A that semester.
62. The next semester we were dating. I got a D.
63. I don’t remember hardly any French.
64. I took Spanish all through High School.
65. I don’t remember much Spanish either.
66. I was not popular all through school. I don’t think I was a loser. Just quiet.
67. I was in band from 6th to 12th grade.
68. Almost all of my friends were in band.
69. I played the flute.
70. One semester in college, I played the piccolo.
71. I wish I had a piccolo.
72. I can still remember a three octave chromatic scale. It’s like my fingers remember because if I think about it too hard, I can’t do it.
73. I was in Job’s Daughters from age 11-20.
74. That experience gave me some of the best moments I have of growing up.
75. I still have four “sisters” not including The Seester on my IM contact list.
76. I like Barbershop quartet music. My dad was a Barbershopper.
77. My dad took me to a lot of plays growing up. Our local theatre was Tibbits Opera House. It had a ghost, but I never saw it.
78. I like almost any musical.
79. My favorite musical is Cats. I saw it at Hancher Auditorium in 1994.
80. Next favorite is Phantom, then Fiddler, then Les Miz.
81. I like popcorn done the old-fashioned way best.
82. I like staying home and renting a movie with a few friends better than going to the bar with a group.
83. I love playing cards. Euchre and Spades are my favorite.
84. I played Spades at lunch every work day for two years with my dad and his friends.
85. I won twice.
86. I’m claustrophobic.
87. I’m not afraid of heights.
88. I used to go fishing with my dad and catch blue gill. We’d clean ‘em and eat ‘em when they hadn’t even been dead a half hour. That’s fresh. It was the best eatin’ I ever had.
89. Being in a big group of people makes me freak out a little.
90. We’ve had to leave gatherings because I felt panic attack coming.
91. I hate meeting new people.
92. It takes a while to be able to speechread a person. Some are just impossible to speechread.
93. As frustrated as I am with my progress in learning sign, I can tell that it is a very natural way to communicate. It’s not anything like learning a foreign language. Although many colleges do give you foreign language credit for taking sign.
94. I went to college and ended up with a 1.6. After I was diagnosed with ADD and learned coping strategies and got medication balanced, I went back to college and got my AA with a 3.492. And that was even though I started with that lousy 1.6 from the first time ten years before that. I was extremely disappointed that I missed getting honors cords by .008.
95. I just had to do that on a calculator to make sure it was right. Math is most assuredly not my forte.
96. However, English is. I’m a great proofreader. I spell well, and I am good with grammar and punctuation.
97. I really enjoy making people laugh.
98. I miss my box-sleepin’ husband already, and I haven’t even gone to bed yet.
99. I can’t believe it took me so long to come up with 100 things about me.
100. I attempt to be like Jesus every single day.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude.