Restrooms with automatic everything drive me nuts.

Some appliances with motion sensors are too sensitive. You walk into the restroom even remotely near the sink and water dutifully runs, ready for your every hygienic need. Or a mosquito flies by, and two feet of paper towel shoot out at you with no warning whatsoever.

Some are not sensitive enough. You can wave your hands in the air like you just don’t cay-uh for five months, but you aren’t going to get any paper towel. You’re just going to look like a lunatic or a moron. Especially when you get frustrated and start talking to the damn thing. I’ve found, oddly enough, that stubborn motion sensor paper towel dispensers aren’t apt to negotiate.

But the worst offender in the automatic appliance catagory has to be automatic flushers. I don’t like them. No, I mean it, I really hate them. At first thought, you might consider that they make the restroom more clean, because they take care of something that many more idiots than you might think actually forget to do. But. (I said butt. *snorts*) I wear big girl panties now; I can decide for myself when I’m done, thankyouverymuch.

A few days ago, I was at work and nature yodeled. I went to the restroom and into the stall, then unbutton/zip. Just as I was about to sit down, like one inch from the seat, the flusher did its job. And it didn’t just flush; it went off like it was powered by a jet engine. It suddenly started up with a hee-yuge WHOOOOSH and the water spun so forcefully, some of it shot up in the air like a bidet. It startled me so bad, well, let’s just say, thank God I was where I was.

I think I have what will be the first documented case of toilet-induced PTSD. Because now, on the way to the restroom, I have flashbacks to that traumatic moment when that toilet literally scared the pee out of me. And every time I start to sit down, I brace myself for the WHOOOOSH and shot of cold water on my lady bits, and I’m always suprised when it actually doesn’t happen.

I may be scarred for life.

I wonder if the company would pay for my therapy.

Thank God for broken databases at work, because now I have time to post! Until they fix the database, anyway. I’ll take what I can get.

This one has been sitting in drafts for, like, EVer… Rebecca tagged me a looooong time ago…

4 Jobs I’ve Held:

1. Delivered (legal!) drugs to housebound folks for a small-town pharmacy
2. MP in the Army
3. Inbound customer service representative
4. Graphic Designer

4 Movies I’ve Watched Over and Over Again:
(I’m not going to mess with linking them… you know ‘em, you love/hate ‘em, you probably own them already.)

1. The Cutting Edge
2. The Breakfast Club
3. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
4. Coyote Ugly

4 Places I’ve Been:

1. Estes Park
2. South Padre Island
3. Niagra Falls
4. Matamoros, Mexico

4 Places I’ve Lived:

1. Fremont, Michigan
2. Coldwater, Michigan
3. Quincy, Michigan
4. Cedar Rapids, Iowa

4 TV Shows I Watch:
(Bear in mind these are all TV on DVD. I don’t watch actual network TV much at all. I’ve probably watched maybe one hour in the last month.)

1. Friends
2. Scrubs
3. House
4. CSI (The one with Grissom)

4 Radio Shows I Listen To:
(Subscribed via Podcast.)

1. Focus on the Family with Dr. James Dobson
2. Family Life with Dennis Rainey
3. Enjoying Everyday Life with Joyce Meyer
4. Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram

4 Things I Look Forward To:

1. End-of-shift on Friday
2. Uninterrupted, unscheduled time with Hunky
3. Affection from the boys, as long as I know they’re doing it “just because” and not to suck up to get out of trouble
4. An evening with good food, good friends, good conversation, and laughing ’til we wet ourselves a little

4 Favorite Foods:

1. Raspberries
2. Grapefruit
3. Steak, medium rare
4. Mt. Dew

4 Places I’d Rather Be:

1. Napping
2. Home in my office playing with my photos and watching TV on DVD
3. On the couch watching a movie with my dog and my bankie
4. In West-by-God-Virginia to meet Miss Ann

4 People I E-Mail Regularly:
(I don’t initiate emails much. I mostly just respond. I don’t forward anything unless it’s a really good one.)

1. My step-mom
2. My dad
3. My Vocational Rehab guy, I keep plugging away at getting this Self-Employment thing off the ground
4. I try to email a response back to each comment on my blog (people, either leave your email or have your email easy to find on your blog!) :)

4 People I’ve Tagged:
I believe I’ve forfeited my tagging rights what with the terrible tardiness I’ve shown in getting to this. If you wanna, go for it; if you don’t; don’t.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Bahdahbebadebahdebahbahthth That’s all, folks!

It’s a question extravaganza at Casa De Señora Ann!

1. If you could ask ONE question to anyone who has EVER lived, what question would you ask and to WHOM? Assume they are sworn to tell the truth.

It’s interesting that as I sat and thought about this question, so many of the questions were actually rhetorical and motivated by an overwhelming feeling of being wronged. Such as…

To The Girl Beater – Do you know how much you damaged me?

To Tom Hanks – Why in the world did you do Joe Vs. The Volcano?

To Mrs. Widener, my 1st grade teacher – When I failed the hearing test, why didn’t you take action to get me the help I needed? Why didn’t you at least pass the buck and tell my second grade teacher?

To my EX best friend – Having an affair with my husband? AND THEN calling him up and invite him to an affair again a couple years later? Really?! Have the powers that be revoked your Girlfriend Card by now?

To Milli Vinilli – Did you actually think you were going to get away with it?

Then I thought…

To Jesus – When are you coming back? If it’s soon, can I activate those pre-approved credit card offers that fill my mailbox and go on a huge shopping spree and max them all out?

But then again, He probably wouldn’t tell me when anyway. He’s all stealthy and secretive about the end times, that clever Savior. And to try to get God to swear to anything would invite a personal lightning shower. I’m generally against that sort of thing. God gets all sorts of honked off when you get all up in His bidness.

And then, I pondered technicality… Can I erase their memory of me answering the question? I’ve thought of tons of people I’d like to ask a question, but I could actually ask them for reals, but I’m too chicken shit to do it.

I don’t know who to ask, but if I did… Exactly how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Ok, who would I ask and what would I ask them… barring chicken shit and rhetorical candidates and technicalities… let’s see… *drums fingers* hmmm…

Can I phone a friend?

Screw it. PASS.

2. What’s in your fridge right now? What do you plan to make for dinner tonight?

To borrow Miss Ann‘s phrase… my fridge is “not right with God”.

I threw out some leftovers last week sometime and almost had to call in a Hazmat team. Refrigerator is in desperate need of a good hose-down. Read blogs… clean refrigerator… read blogs… clean refrigerator… no, not even a contest. When you abbreviate refrigerator to fridge, where does that extra ‘d’ come from? Generally, one would think that when abbreviating a word, letters would excuse themselves, not crash the party. Wait, what?

What’s in my fridge? Many, many, many condiments (did I mention there are MANY?) and milk, eggs, butter, sour cream, shredded co-jack cheese; you know, the staples. Sour cream IS a staple in our house. Oh, so leftover hamburger helper from Thursday night (that’s gonna be iffy; I better throw that out), a head of lettuce, flour burrito shells, smoked ham and deli cheddar for sammichs for lunch, half a pack of hot dogs…

Dinner tonight? Tuesday nights Cedar Rapids Deaf Club gets together for dinner, and tonight it’s at Panera. So it’s yummy Cheddar Broccoli soup and a half a sammich for me! What? The kids? What kids? Oh, those kids. They go to my friend’s house on Tuesday nights and she feeds them because they don’t like going to Deaf dinner. BRAT CHILDREN.

3. You have been anonymously gifted the funds with which to start your own business. Give its name, and describe it.

This is easy. My freelance graphic design business would let me work from home doing what I love best and get paid for it! BOOYAH, baby.

I’ve already got the name and business cards but it’s got my first name in it so I’m not telling that part. Neener. Neener. I don’t know how much I’m getting in funds, but I want, in order of importance and degree of need/want…

1. GoDaddy for my domain name and hosting, paid for at least 30 years
2. iMac or
3. Mac Pro and a huge display
4. Macbook Air (for taking to client meetings, don’tchaknow)
5. Adobe CS3 Premium
6. A Windows laptop for those pesky PC files that the clients love so much *gags* plus the two laptops together with IM could be used in lieu of an interpretype once my hearing’s completely shot
7. Subscription to PhotoSpin
8. Member ASI
9. ClipArt Library
10. At least $500 to spend at Amazon for CS3 books (I need some training on DreamWeaver)
11. Canon color copier; dry toner, not inkjet or laser
12. Roland 52″ wide format printer (for printing things to sell on eBay and Etsy)
13. I could go on forever, but I’d like to post this tonight. *sigh*

All right, so there you go, Miss Ann. Will you marry me now? Shall we exchange secret decoder non-lesbian love rings and pinky swear on it? For our honeymoon, we could go to the park and play frisbee with bologna, because it has the word “blog” in it, and we could gaze longingly into each other’s eyes at the poignancy later when we were giggling in our sleeping bags with our margaritas and oreos… …wait… what? *blinks*

And now I have a question for all of you, my people… If you could switch brains with anyone, who would it be? Would you like to set a time limit, or switch forever? Would you like to retain the knowledge you gained, or go back to the way you were before?

1. I go from my normal one or two meals a day to seven or eight. Plus snacks.
2. I go from my normal half-pack a day to chain-smoking two-handed.
3. I have some chocolate covered in chocolate with a side of chocolate with chocolate on top.
4. Hunky gets at least two zits. Usually one on the side of the nose, and a unicorn-zit.
5. The boys start using the title “Ma’am” and speaking to me from doorways, far out of striking distance.
6. Certain TV commercials make me cry, as well as most blog posts, some emails, and dire crisis like discovering we’re out of hot cocoa/creamer.
7. I realize my thoughts may be running on the Dark Side, counter with trying to count my blessings, and end up counting Past Due notices.
8. I work on my list for items to take with us when we have to sleep at the shelter Hunky works at.
9. Left to my own devices, I take on the sleeping patterns of a narcoleptic cat.
10. I resort to blogging Top Ten lists.

I wasn’t gonna… but Hunky Hubster did a politics post and I’m just a joiner like that.

It may or may not be interesting to know that I was raised to vote straight Republican like a good little Christian. I don’t feel wise on political issues; in fact, Tom can usually change my political mind with one strong five minute oration. So, instead of informing you of my stance on issues (precarious though it may be) I give you my list. Let me just tell you though, one thing that really surprised me. Notice how the red and blue don’t all clump together. Interesting, is it not?

66% Tom Tancredo
63% John McCain
61% Barack Obama
60% John Edwards
60% Chris Dodd
59% Hillary Clinton
59% Bill Richardson
59% Joe Biden
58% Mitt Romney
56% Mike Huckabee
55% Fred Thompson
43% Rudy Giuliani
42% Mike Gravel
41% Ron Paul
33% Dennis Kucinich

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

That is all.