Ya’ll know how long I’ve been trying to get hearing aids.

Yesterday I went to talk to an audiologist about possible funding sources that could help me. I thought we’d just talk about that, maybe take my history. He did the whole shpiel, history and testing my hearing, and then much to my surprise, he asked me if I would test-drive a pair of hearing aids right then and there. He did all the programming and fitting, and two and a half hours after I walked into the office, I walked out with one hearing aid and instructions to come back after 3pm for the other one. I’m going to have these about a week as we try to find the funding for me to keep them. 

It has just blown my mind. 

I do have one in-the-ear HA that I got about 10 years ago, but I quit wearing it a few years back because it just wasn’t helping anymore. The difference between that aid and the two that I’m wearing now is absolutely phenomenal.

I didn’t have any idea how much hearing I had lost. 

After I first walked outside, one of the first things I said to Hunky was, “Everything seems bigger!” Of course, he got that smirk on his face and made a smartass comment about how he hoped that would last at least until bedtime. How he makes me swoon.

Just on the way home, I realized, my car makes a lot of noises! I was startled when I heard a police car before I saw him. 

But, seriously; I had no idea how much I was missing. The door makes a chick-chick sound when it shuts. My refrigerator makes noise. My keyboard clickity clacks. The first time the toilet flushed it startled me. My dog is LOUD; I mean really loud when she goes off about someone being in her yard. I watched the first prime time presidential press conference and didn’t use the closed captioning. The sheer number of different sounds coming at me is quite overwhelming. 

The only thing more shocking than putting them on for the first time and having my world explode, is when I take them off at night. After so much stimulation all day, it’s a kind of a relief; it’s peaceful. 

But it’s nice to know they’re there waiting for me in the morning. 

I’ll write more about it if I get to keep them. I’m almost afraid to like them.

Here’s another thrilling episode of Signing Saturday with your hostess, Dory!

Well, we’re not getting any younger; let’s dive right in.

First, one of the things you need to understand about signing is this: a sign is NOT equal to a word. A sign is a concept. For example, the sign most commonly known as FINISH can also mean ‘done’ or ‘already’ or ‘complete’ or… well, I could go on, or you could consult a thesaurus. Guess which I’m going with? Good guess.

Next, in sign, there is no am, is, are, was, were, the, a, an… and a whole bunch more. Well, actually, let me clarify that; in most kinds of sign language that’s true. There is one kind that uses those, plus special endings for -ed and -ing and a whole bunch more, but that’s more likely to be used in schools while they’re teaching English.

We’re always going to be talking about two forms of sign here. We’re going to talk about ASL (American Sign Language) and PSL (Pidgin Sign Language) and they do NOT use those signs.

Then, word order… it’s weird. ASL and PSL use the same signs, but different word order. ASL starts a sentence with a topic and moves from there (there’s a whole bunch more nuances to ASL grammar, but this is the key one). PSL uses mostly English word order.  So take this sentence, “Do you want a pop?” In ASL, you’re going to sign POP – WANT – YOU with your eyebrows raised through the whole sentence. In PSL, you’d sign YOU – WANT – POP with raised eyebrows. Most Deaf folk sign ASL. PSL is used mostly by people learning to sign. People who use ASL will usually switch easily to converse with someone using PSL. Then as you start to get the hang of it, you can gradually change your word order. 

Ok, last… you earned a naughty sign. 

You know that sign you use for ‘whatever’ where you make a W with your hands? Sure, you’ve seen it. Lots of hearing people use it. Well, a variation that you probably haven’t seen is pretty commonly used in the Deaf Community. Do your ‘whatever’ sign.

Now, instead of your index fingers up, put them down and put up your tall fingers.

Congratulations– You just signed ‘what the f**k ever’!

Alright, that will conclude the fourth episode of “Signing Saturday.” I’m taking suggestions for what signs you want to learn, as well as any ideas to make this more interactive.

If you really like it, take a badge and put it on your blog by copying and pasting the code in a widget or post.

The little badge is 89px by 100px
`<a href=”http://www.cantrememberdiddly.com/2008/10/25/signingsaturday/” title=”Signing Saturday with Dory”><img src=”http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3154/2971907832_993f05c211_t.jpg” width=”89″ height=”100″ alt=”signing saturday” /></a>`

The bigger badge is 200px by 219px
`<a href=”http://www.cantrememberdiddly.com/2008/10/25/signingsaturday/” title=”Signing Saturday with Dory”><img src=”http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3154/2971907832_d896a8fe17_o.jpg” width=”200″ height=”225″ alt=”signing saturday” /></a>`

Want to know more signs but you can’t wait for the next episode? This is my favorite ASL site.

Want more about Deaf culture? Google Deaf Culture.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Word. T’yaw mutha. In sign, of course.

Back because I said so by popular demand, it’s another episode of Signing Saturday! (Filmed live before a studio audience.)

Let’s get started with some Deaf culture!

Let’s say you want to meet some Deaf folk. And why the hell wouldn’t you; they’re fantastic people!

When you’re introduced, the first question is going to be, “Are you Deaf or Hearing?” and then they’re going to want to know your life story, the Reader’s Digest Condensed Version. Deaf folk are rilly rilly big on sharing stories. What brought you to a Deaf event? Where did you go to school? Are you single or married? Do you have any kids? How old are you?

Which brings me to the next Deaf culture point. Deaf folk are BLUNT. They’re going to ask how old you are, if you’ve gained weight, if your significant other broke up with you, and they’re going to want an answer and be a little put off if you’re not forthcoming with the goods. In the Deaf community, everybody knows everybody’s bidness.

And get ready for some physical touch. Deaf folk are touchy. There’s more physical expression than Hearing people are used to; hugging, patting on the arms and shoulders, and tapping on the leg. Hearing people can sometimes be uncomfortable with how much you touch yourself when you’re signing. You’re just going to have to get over that, because you have to touch yourself a lot to sign properly.

Don’t stare at a conversation you’re not involved in. That’s the Deaf equivalent of eavesdropping.

The first time you go to a Deaf event, you might be surprised by how loud it is! Signing is noisy! When you’re signing, your hands make sound when they hit each other or other parts of you. Deaf conversations are punctuated by grunts and other sounds you won’t be used to. Someone else’s attention is attained by slapping on the table, or stomping on the floor, or really loud outbursts. Laughing can get very enthusiastic. It can be kind of overwhelming the first time.

Want to find Deaf events in your area? Google “Deaf [your town]” and see what pops up. If your local community college has an interpreter program, contact them to find out where the Deaf events are.

I’ve got more flashcards for you! I picked out what I think are really basic words that you need to carry on a conversation. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t start you out with colors and farm animals. I want you to be able to sign with Deaf adults right away, not a roomful of Deaf pre-schoolers.

You’ll find the ‘W’ question words in there; who, what, when, where, why, and how. Here’s a tip: when you ask a ‘w’ question, scrinch your eyebrows down. When you ask a yes/no question, arch your eyebrows. It’s like punctuation but with your face!

Download an eight page PDF for your flash cards here. Page one looks like this:

The most important thing is to print it double sided so you end up with the sign on one side and the answer on the other. Then you can use the flash cards with your signing buddy either way; one holding up sign side and other naming the sign, or one holding up the word side and other doing the sign. So you’re going to have to print this double sided. If your printer only does one side at a time, load only one page at a time so it doesn’t zip through them all one sided. Put one blank page in, let it print. Here’s the tricky part: when you flip the paper to the other side, flip it like you’re turning a book page, NOT like you’re turning a calendar page. So, load a blank page, print, flip (like a book not a calendar!), load, print; do this until you have printed four double-sided pages. Next, cut the pages. Here’s page one with cyan colored cut lines on it.

So cut the page in half, in half again, etc. until you’ve got 16 flash cards from one page. Repeat for other three pages. You’ll end up with 64 flash cards total.

I’m going to be watching who’s downloading the PDFs, and don’t be surprised if those people end up getting an email with some naughty signs! Who’s the coolest signing teachah evah?!

I ran into a little snag. Rocky took my camera outside to take video of him and his friends skateboarding and DROPPED IT. So I have no way to make you video of the new signs. And no extra money whatsoever for another point and shoot. And my dSLR doesn’t have video, of course. I’m extremely bummed. Rocky better get a freakin’ ROCKIN’ band together and get big QUICK because Mister Man owes me a damn camera.

Alright, that will conclude the third episode of “Signing Saturday.” I’m taking suggestions for what signs you want to learn, as well as any ideas to make this more interactive.

If you really like it, take a badge and put it on your blog by copying and pasting the code in a widget or post.

The little badge is 89px by 100px
`<a href=”http://www.cantrememberdiddly.com/2008/10/25/signingsaturday/” title=”Signing Saturday with Dory”><img src=”http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3154/2971907832_993f05c211_t.jpg” width=”89″ height=”100″ alt=”signing saturday” /></a>`

The bigger badge is 200px by 219px
`<a href=”http://www.cantrememberdiddly.com/2008/10/25/signingsaturday/” title=”Signing Saturday with Dory”><img src=”http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3154/2971907832_d896a8fe17_o.jpg” width=”200″ height=”225″ alt=”signing saturday” /></a>`

Want to know more signs but you can’t wait for the next episode? This is my favorite ASL site.

Want more about Deaf culture? Google Deaf Culture.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Word. T’yaw mutha. In sign, of course.

When I graduated, I had a party. I had just spent 18 months completing a five semester graphic design program at my local community college to earn my AA. That day, I got up, and Kizzle and I went to The Five Seasons Center to go through the ceremony with 1500ish other graduates.

It was a HUGE deal for me.

I had attempted college about 10 years prior. It wasn’t pretty, people. I did one semester at Kellogg Community College and one semester at Glen Oaks Community College, both in Michigan. Then I moved to Iowa and brought my barely 2.0 GPA with me and transferred it to the community college here. I met Hunky a couple months in, in French class. That semester, I got an A. The next semester we started dating, and I took French II. I got a D. I was working full time, going to school full time, and then later, also planning a wedding. I decided to take a semester or two off because I was just exhausted, and no closer to deciding what I wanted to be when I “grew up”. Fast forward about 10 years and two kids later. I had been separated from my husband for almost a year and bought a house alone. Before I even made the first house payment, my paid-off car died so I had to buy a car and take on another payment. Before I even had a chance to make the first car payment, I got laid off. I knew that there was nowhere else in Cedar Rapids I could make the same amount of money as at the job I had just lost. I decided that 1- I was going to have to go back to school and B- I was going to have to finally decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. I knew it was going to be challenging. My GPA had hit a new low: 1.6. But since then, I had also been diagnosed with ADD and my hearing was degrading much more quickly than I had anticipated. But I had also done a lot of work with a psychiatrist and therapist for coping mechanisms for ADD, and had a bright shiny new hearing aid. It went even better than I thought it would. I had earned all As and had brought that 1.6 kicking, screaming, and crab-walking like Regan in The Exorcist all the way up to a 3.492. The only regret that I had was that I missed wearing honors cords by .008.

Now we’re back to that day, maybe even the best day of my life, my graduation day. I had finished something. I had accomplished something. I had found an occupation that I would have gladly done for fun. It was an amazing day of celebration. Kizzle and I had bought brand new Cons for the occasion; hers bright yellow, mine bright green. Our families would be able to pick us out of the 1500ish graduates in the procession with identical gray mortarboards and robes. My mom, step dad, sister and sister’s best friend had come from Michigan for the occasion.

We went through the graduation ceremony and that night, we all went to my favorite bar and all my friends were there; even one of my professors! It was probably the best night of my life. We ended up closing down the bar and then going to breakfast afterwards. I passed out in the back of my sister’s Durango on a tire iron. I was so passed out, I was laying on a tire iron and could not have moved off of it if it was 1000 degrees and had ten penny nails soldered on spiking out of it. It was hawsum.

When Hunky was just a little ways away from getting his AA, I asked what he wanted to do for his party. To my surprise, and well, intense irritation, his answer was a resounding “Eh.”

Which I met with a sputter-y “What?!”

He explained that he wanted to wait until he got his BA for the, I believe he called it, “rigmarole.” Because this wasn’t really a big deal, you see.

You what to the who now?!

After I gave him the tongue-lashing he was begging for, and he got done backpedaling and reiterating what a ginormous deal it was to earn an AA and how proud he was of me for attaining that achievement, we simply left it at that. The AA would go by quietly, and we would throw him a huge bash when he graduated with his BA. Okfine.

Now he’s announced that he didn’t turn in his application for graduation form by the deadline, but hey, it’s no big deal because we’ll just have a party when he gets his Masters!

Oy, vey. I could just smack him. But with my luck, he’d enjoy it.

Alright, people, how are you doing with your ABCs and 123s? Groovy? Because my stat counter says that ZERO people downloaded the PDFs! Tsk, tsk, tsk… better get on that, because only people who are downloading the PDFs and working on it get to learn the naughty signs!

Okfine. Let’s say you’ve been practicing your ABCs and 123s. The next step is to start mixing them up and actually spelling things with them. A great way to do this is just to dive right in and start fingerspelling anytime. Driving down the street, see a sign, spell it out. “Dry Cleaners” “Grocery” “Dealership” “Plumbing” “Brothel” etc. Making dinner? Start fingerspelling any words you see while you’re cooking. “Paprika” “Flour” “Whole wheat” “Methamphetamine” etc. You see where I’m going here? Ok, good.

A couple tips on good fingerspelling practice:

1- Don’t bounce your hand while you’re spelling. Do you want to have to hand out barf bags? Keep your hand comfortably positioned and still, moving mostly only from the wrist up.

2- Double letters. You have your choice– when fingerspelling, for instance, SLEEP, when you need to do the double E, make your hand sign for E and either nod your hand like it’s nodding, or slide it a little to the right. Whatever feels more comfortable.

3- Practice, practice, practice. My favorite fingerspelling practice site is here. You can set how many words you want to do and then the speed of the fingerspelling and speed it up as you get better. It’s most hawsum.

That’s it for this week. Work rilly rilly hard at fingerspelling every single day as you go about your normal routine, fingerspelling any word that might appear in front of you. Next time we’ll learn some signs to acually carry on a conversation and learn a little more about Deaf culture.

Keep practicing, kids! Let me know if you have any problems downloading or need me to add more video!

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Or at least fingerspell it.