City Girl put this up and then through the magic of The Innernets, I kissed her full on the mouth from across the country. Hunky and I have made it through the middle of the 7th season and then we started over again to uncharacteristically practice delayed gratification. City Girl, Brandy, and me need to get together for a West Wing slumber party. Oh, there would be wobbly pop, you bet yer ass there would. And Hunky says he would be hiding in the closet with a digital camcorder.

Well, my people, when I last left you, I was rocking the PMS as only I can. I then ran out of Strattera.

Now, allow me to explain that one of the delightful side effects of Strattera is loss of appetite.

To the estrogen laden population of my readers, and the testosterone-y ones who have estrogen-laden significant others, I don’t need to explain this next revelation. But just in case there’s one or two readers who I dunno, possibly live in a frat house on a men-only campus on another fooking planet, I will state the obvious. One of the equally delightful side effects of PMS, is increase in appetite.

Yanno, it’s a damn shame that none of you lovelies ever came to visit me here in wonderful Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Because it’s gone now.

PMS + No Strattera = I ATE CEDAR RAPIDS.

Oh, and, AND, I was so sick of my blog and trying to make heads or tails of CSS, had I had any cash, I would have paid some unsuspecting programmer damn good money to write some very cunning CSS that would spontaneously combust My Blog and also all of Teh Innernets Tubes.

But a week (ish!) later, I present to you the bright, ditzy, happy, scattered, perky, (tah-DAH!) DORY that you’ve come to know and love. And of course, a corrospondingly bright, ditzy, happy, scattered, perky, (tah-DAH!) POST.

What I did on my blogcation, by Dory Mae Blue-Tang

• As previously mentioned, devoured the thriving metropolis that is Cedar Rapids, Iowa. And then ordered dessert. Ok, desserts. Ok, ok, desserts and more appetizers.
• Attempted to put a dent in my unread items in Google Reader, but mainly just did damage control.
• Even left a respectable amount of commenty love. Bonus plan, baby.
• Reveled in the incoming verbal cocaine commenty love from you, my lovelies, my people.
• Folded approximately threeventy-bijiggijillion loads of laundry.
• Revived Hunky from a dead faint upon his recognition of this momentous occasion.
• Cheated, and played with the blog just a tad.
• Hated myself a little bit, and briefly considered surrendering my WordPress username and password to Kizz.
• Woke the fook up and realized it would just make her drunk with power and I’d never regain possession.
• Actually enforced the boys’ chore list by saying, “Are your chores done?” every time they asked to do something fun.
• Got a tiny, delicious little thrill by their outrage every single damn time.
• Went on an immensely enjoyable ALL DAY motorcycle ride. Look, it’s me!
• Showed remarkable restraint; narrowly avoided eating Prairie Du Chien, Wisconsin by sneaking parts of Cedar Rapids in the saddlebags for snacking.
• Wrote several stellar blog posts in my head.
• Didn’t write them down. They’re gone. For EVAH.
• Watched Napoleon Dynamite. Good thing my brother gave me this disclaimer prior: “It’s really, really, stupid and has no plot whatsoever. But if you can get beyond that, it’s hilarious.”  He was right.
• Farted around waaaay more than I should have on Teh Innernets Tubes. Conducted diligent job search.
• Wasted, oh, a lifetime figuring out Facebook.
• Found an ex on there. No, not that one. That one.
• Sent the boys back to school.
• Came home and did a couple tequila shooters in celebration.
• Not really. I find it kind of creepy to lickitslamitsuckit at 8:15am. But, you get the gist of my happiness level of having my house back in relative peace and quiet for a few hours every day.
• Considered quitting smoking.
• BWAAAHAHAHAHahahahahahaha… wouldn’t it be trippy if I was really like that?! *wiping tears of laughter away*
• Watched the DNC.
• Important Announcement: Here’s your favorite born and raised Republican actually entertaining the notion of voting Democrat.
• Daddy, please don’t disown me. Please. You’re looking especially dapper today.
• Now I’m going to watch the RNC. And honestly give those candidates a chance. I’m pretty sure. We’ll see.
• Finished a project I started SIX YEARS AGO. I’m SO proud!
• Yes, I know. That shelf is crooked and the plywood doesn’t cover the whole back. Shuddup. It’s in my basement.
• Updated the OS on Hunky’s PPC to Windows Mobile 6.1. Which is a lot trickier than it sounds when you’re doing it via Virtual PC on a Mac.
• Managed not to kill any innocent bystanders in the process.
• That brings us to now, when I’ve been working on this post on and off for 4 hours while also twittering and facebooking and blogreading and other really productive uses of my online time.

Of course you’re all waiting with bated breath to hear who is getting the coveted $20 Starbucks card. Well, you’ll just have to wait a minute.

I just want to thank you so much for all of the comments and even some lovely casa-warming gifts. It was a hell of a party down there in the comments. It really means so much to me that you’d take a minute out of your blogging time to leave me some commenty goodness. I really appreciate it, you guys.

Ok, ok, I’m done with the mushy bullshit. Without further ado…

Maggie, email me your address and I’ll have your free caffeine hook-up on its merry way!

Next on the To Do or Die List: respond to emails. Then: Play with theme– I want the sidebar headers green, the post titles orange, and the Top Commentator List is all janky. The line-height is too big. But I’m a little scared to get into and start changing code. I might break my blog, or blow up Teh Innernets, or order 27 pizzas, or re-activate that speeding ticket in Michigan, or choose a running mate with less experience than my opponent after slamming my opponent on national TV for not having enough experience. Oh, wait, I don’t have to worry about that because it’s already been done. D’oh! Did I type that out loud?!

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. I’ve been great. Don’t forget to tip your waitstaff.

Well, HI there! Glad you could make it over!

I’ll give you a tour of the new casa.

Blogroll’s over there —>

bling and bullcrap is over there <—

and that’s about it. Now who’s throwing me a casa-warming party?!

Don’t forget to say hi. I’m going to pick a random winner from the comments for this post on Tuesday, September 2nd for a $20 Starbucks giftcard!

Don’t forget to update your subscription link to your reader. I’ll totally love you forever ‘n’ ever ‘n’ ever, amen.

Like I said, I’m going to take about a week off because I’m tired of looking at the *&$# thing I need to step away from it for a couple days. Yanno, so I don’t start researching code that blows shit up can come back with a fresh perspective.

Give me yaw hahnd. Wait, no, that’s not it. Um… cahm weeth me if you want to leeve. No, that’s not right. Oh! Get in da choppah! No, no, no. Ah’ll be bahk. Ok, there it is.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Leave the casa fairly intact, ok? And somebody take back the damn keg. I need my deposit back.

EDIT: This was the last post I wrote at my old blogspot.

Now, before we begin, let me warn you that today I am sporting PMS colored glasses. I really am very excited to make a couple announcements. But apparently my hormones lead me to channel Steven Wright.

Announcement Numbah 1: This is my 200th post.

[insert enthusiastic applause as to rival the noise made at the Republican/Democrat National Convention HERE]

Let’s take a look back, shall we? First of all, one of the things that keeps me writing and more importantly striving to write better, are the comments. It is such an incredible compliment when someone takes a minute out of their blog time to click over and leave their two cents. My gosh, I love you guys! (Oh, for the love, here we go with the waterworks. Did you notice that estrogen and emotional start with the same letter? Coincidence? I think not.) So I give you…

Top Commentators List
——————————
52 Kizzle
34 BrownEyedGirl
32 FabBoyFab
28 Iamnot
24 CityGirl
22 JerseyGirl
20 Milk Maid
20 BipolarLawyerCook
20 Miss Ann Derstood
19 Mrs Mustard
18 Hunky
17 Nanner
15 The Seester
14 Rebecca
13 Phil
12 Elise
11 FCM
10 Heather
10 Jocelyn
8 Chris
8 Jessica
7 Cherie
7 Oh The Joys
5 choochoo
5 Karly
4 Book & Hook
4 Deb
4 Slackermommy
3 Karen
2 Janet
2 Stepmomster
1 SueAnn
1 Bina
1 Brandy
1 Carrie
1 Dianne
1 Ellen
1 Erin
1 Jamie
1 Jennifer
1 Jenny
1 Lisa
1 Maggie
1 Marfsbaby
1 Melanie
1 Rachel
1 Sandi
1 Schmutzie
1 Spider

That took a while to put together. I counted them from comment notify emails from Blogger. Which I had on three different email accounts.

Ok, next nostalgic stop down memory lane. I spent literally hours at this next project, mistakenly thinking it’d be quick to find and replace code in an exported XML file of my blog. I kept thinking, oh, I can’t abandon this now that I’ve put this much time into it. Just 10 more minutes. Then Rocky texted me from his wedding inquiring as to my whereabouts on the biggest day of his life thus far. Oops. Just kidding. He’s starting sixth grade next week. Allow me a moment to be that mom, and exclaim, my baby! Ok, I’m done. Wait, where was I?

Oh, yeah. Then I took all the words sans code that made up my blog thus far and made a Wordle from it. It’s actually pretty cool.

Um, do I really use the words “just” and “like” that much? Yikes.

Moving on.

Announcement Numbah Two: This will be my last post on this site.

[insert gasps of shock and general say it ain't so noise HERE]

So. If you twitter, you’ve seen that I’ve been cussing at setting up a new WordPress self-hosted, custom domain shit site. Which brings me to…

Announcement Numbah Three: http://www.cantrememberdiddly.com is ready for unveiling and ribbon-cutting and getting bashed in the header with a bottle of champagne.

[insert enthusiastic applause as to rival the noise made at the State of the Union Address HERE]

I’m going to take about a week off because I’m tired of looking at the *&$# thing I need to step away from it for a couple days. Yanno, so I don’t start researching code that blows shit up can come back with a fresh perspective. Well, that and I’ve been neglecting everything else, my Google Reader has over 400 unread items in it, and my house is a friggin’ pit.

So. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, (and I may cry if you don’t) is (1) to go to the new site, (2) say hi, and (3) update your subscription link! Have I mentioned how handsome/beautiful you look today? Have you lost weight? Well, you’re just fabulous.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. As we begin our descent, on behalf of all of us here at Can’t Remember Diddly, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip. We remind you to please wait until inside the terminal to use any electronic devices (or to smoke in the designated areas). Thank you again for swimming the friendly seas with Can’t Remember Diddly. We are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. G’Bye now, g’bye, buh-bye, bye, g’bye, bye now…

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Go go go! Onduhlay! Rapido!

Once upon a time last week, we drove to Michigan to visit my mommy and The Seester. Kizzle and I loaded up the boys and the dog in a VERY small Stratus; one that got smaller and smaller as the drive went on. Hunky drove out on the bike later because of *groan* work and school.

We stayed at my sister’s. Mom came over and we grilled and talked and drank beer. At one point, Dino went and sat on Seester’s lap and she leaned into him and deliberately burped in his ear. He turned around to look at her, and completely dead-pan said, “That was HAWT”. I laughed so hard I almost peed. That’s my boy. We’re SO proud.

My mommy and Elli’s mommy 

Then we went out for a couple drinks.
I keesd mai seester!

Gratuitious Drunk Bitch shot… did somebody goose the seester?!

Then we rode horses…
Mah Kizzle riding Foxy

Me riding Slim. He’s over 16 hands… it’s a looong way to the ground!

Rocky riding Slim

Slim’s got one dark eye and one watch eye

Horse hoof trimmings are considered
a delicacy among discerning canines everywhere

Deer are nothing but 500 pound RATS.

And then Elli discovered the frogs in the swamp.
She scared a batch of them and when they all jumped at once,
she went nuts trying to catch them all and jumped withers-deep into the swamp.
She smelled like mud plus pond scum plus horse poop with a side of roadkill.
We had to hose her ass down before she could come in the house!

Da Beer. Kizzle trying to turn my dog into an alcoholic.
Don’t worry, it was only a few drops in the bottom.

Sunset from Mom’s backyard

Bonfire was complete with beer, shootin’ the shit,
toasted marshmallows, and laughing so hard we almost peed.
Actually, I believe a couple of the gents present actually did.

What’d Smoky say?!

Click that picture up there and add a comment to tell me what you’d caption this photo!

Entries accepted until 07/25/2008 9pmCST– Winner will be announced 07/26/2008
Prize will be something from the bottom of my purse, perhaps a half pack of Fruit Sensations gum! Meaningful dialogue regarding whether the pack is half-empty or half-full is optional. But technically moot, as facts of math will prove half has nothing to do with it, because it’s almost empty.

The whole set is here. There’s some really funny ones, including one where Smoky winked at me which was fairly disturbing. I added some amusing notes and descriptions to many of them (there’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back). Feel free to add a comment to any and let me know what you think of my mad picture takin’ skillz. Flickr comments are almost as exciting to me as blog post comments. *nudge nudge elbow poke wink wink*

A refresher on buzzing like a bee through a set…

And a good time was had by all. The End. *curtain falls*