Have you seen my Google Friend Connect toy over there in my sidebar? Have you clicked Follow yet? Why not? What did I do? Did I rain on your parade? Did I pee in your Wheaties? Did I hock a loogy in your chock ‘o hoogy? Can you tell it’s margarita night? Is it that obvious? Do you have an balcoholic average too? No? Just me? Have you clicked follow yet? Why not? If you do, will I shut up? Would you like to find out?

What is NaBloPoMo? Here you go.

All I ask is for a little linky love.

You’re welcome!

P.S. This totally counts for my daily post! I totally spent over an hour editing last year’s badge, saving as different sizes, and uploading to flickr for you.

*back of hand to forehead*

I work, and I slave, and what thanks do I get?! I spend allll this time slaving over a hot stove photoshop and where is the linky love? BOOOOO HOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO!

“Someday I’ll fly, Someday I’ll soar
Someday I’ll be so damn much more
‘Cuz I’m bigger than my body gives me credit for
I’m bigger than my body now…”
–John Mayer, Bigger Than My Body

I’ve been blogging since 2003. I started out on LiveJournal, and used my given name. I only commented on other LiveJournal bloggers.

Then I became aware of the blogosphere. When I made the move to Blogger in 2007, I used my nickname, Dory, and I went out of my way to never use my real name, and kept mum on the rest of my family’s real names. I began commenting on blogs all over and cultivating relationships with other bloggers. 

Then I became aware of Social Networking, and that blew apart my M.O. I got on Facebook, and only used the name “Dory.” But then I began wondering how many people I might miss out on reconnecting with if they searched for me by my given name. I decided, eh, screw it; I’ll use my and Tom’s real name and still guard the boys’ names. I put my real name on my Facebook account and moved onto more earth-shattering matters such as the best buy on 85/15 Ground Beef and switching from Bounce to Downy. 

Now my Facebook has links to my blog, and my blog has links back to Facebook.

I told you that to tell you this.

I wrote a couple of posts about my experience with domestic violence, and I met Maggie, the Bonafide Innernetz Aingel who started up Violence Unsilenced. The experience of actually writing those posts was painful. I physically shook while I poured out my pain, but knowing that I may be able to give someone that little oomph to exit an abusive relationship was worth it. I mulled over writing more, but I have a couple concerns.

First of all, parts of my memory are fractured.

For instance, I remember getting into a fight with The Girlbeater over “our” money. He demanded that I sign over my wages to him, and I refused. Before I knew it, I was laying face up on the bed with him straddling me, my arms and shoulders pinned by his knees, one hand hobbling my wrists and the other fist drawn back poised to strike. The bedroom door opened and his father asked, “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing that’s any of your business. Shut the door,” he directed in a voice low, deliberate, and strained with rage. 

And his father, without a word, SHUT THE DOOR. 

I hate to leave you hanging there, but that’s where the memory ends. My therapist explained to me that’s sometimes how our brains deal with trauma that’s just too much for us to handle. If or when I’m ready, I may receive the conclusion of that memory.

I want to write more about my experiences, but how can I possibly tell you a story like the above? Either I leave you hanging, or I pretty much make shit up. Neither option lends itself to the authenticity I want to bring. 

Secondly, the other factor in the equation is The Girlbeater himself.

A couple weeks ago when I was on Facebook, his face popped up on the People You May Know box. I almost threw up. Literally. This meant that one of my friends from my high school graduating class is friends with him. How can I handle the possibility of him finding me on Facebook and then heading on over here, if I have such a visceral reaction just to his face popping up unexpectedly? 

I have a tangled knot of thoughts and I can’t find either end.

I want to speak, to be unsilenced.

But I’m gagged by the possibility of him showing up here. I just don’t even know how I would handle it. What if he *gulp* contacted me? What if he challenged my memories to a debate? 

He’s currently awaiting trial for kidnapping and rape. It’s amazingly easy to get my physical address. What is he capable of? 

I don’t know.

He has no right to know of any details of my life, but here I am, waving them all over the damn internet and hanging big flashing neon arrows pointed towards them. 

I want to tell you a story about a young woman finding her first love and being battered by him in every way possible.

I can’t.

It’s not fair. 

Thoughts?

Let’s talk about comments.

Hi, I’m Dory, and I’m a commentaholic.

I leave several comments a day at bloggy friends’ casas, and get a leeetil too much of a thrill at every comment I receive.

What leads me to leave commenty love?

1. Priority One: If I have something worthwhile to add to the discussion. I don’t leave a lame-ass comment just to see if I can bogart someone’s traffic.
2. If someone leaves me a comment, I will go out of my way to visit their casa and leave them a “Thanks for stopping by” for sure and also another follow-up if I can come up with something decent.
3. I almost never leave a comment on a post that has more than 20 already, unless: 1-they’ve commented at my casa before; 2-I have something really worthwhile to add; or 3-every once in a while, if I can come up with something halfway witty, I’ll leave a what-the-hell, shot-in-the-dark comment just to see if they’ll visit me.
4. If it’s a really fantastic post, if I can’t come up with something worthwhile to add, I will still give them a “Excellent post! Brava/o!” or the reaction I had, like “Oh, this one gave me goosebumps” or “Damn you, now I’m all misty-eyed.”
5. I will go to at least five-ish new blogs on Wordless Wednesday and Weekly Winners to leave a few “Great shot! I like [insert what grabbed me] how you did that there!”

What honks me off?

When I’ve left several (let’s say 10) comments on someone’s blog and they don’t reciprocate even once. Unless their writing affects me very deeply or makes me actually laugh out loud, I’ll drop them off my reader. I just know from experience that if I leave them on my reader, I’ll be annoyed enough that it will color my reception of their writing until I’m using that snarky voice in my head as I read their posts.

What makes my day?

When a Big Boy/Girl Blogger emails a response to a comment I left or an email I wrote them.

What makes my week?

When a Big Boy/Girl Blogger leaves a comment here!

How do I check for follow-up on a comment I left?

I don’t. I don’t like to subscribe to comments because I’m following seventy something blogs in my reader NOW; I think Google Reader would split its pants if I subscribed. And who has time to bookmark that particular comment page to check back later? I’m sorry, not me. I already feel I don’t have enough time in my day. But I love when people respond to my comments via email! When I was at blogspot, I put up a poll to determine whether people preferred my response to them left in comments OR emailed. It was something like 47% to 53%. I’ve been doing both for a while now, and it seems redundant, but I want people to know that I value their input.

What do you prefer; response in comments OR email?

What honks you off? What makes your day/week?

What makes you decide to leave a comment?

*Turns out: 21.
Ratio of the word “comment”
to all other words is 1:25
if anyone’s keeping track.

This just in…

An unnamed source has just disclosed that Dory is writing for Blissfully Domestic on their Photo Bliss Channel. Rumors had been flying around for a few days, but now there is proof: Dory’s first article has been published.

Supporters are strongly encouraged to show their backing by leaving a comment on said article using the most superlative hyperbole they can muster in their endorsement of this exceptional example of outstanding journalistic essay.

That is all.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled naval gazing.