Because I’m the guy that doesn’t fall off the stage, that’s why.
Posted on November 10th, 2009 by Dory in xOk, so… Wait, did anyone else notice that I’ve started the last two posts that I’ve done with the words either “Ok” or “So”? No? Me neither. Anyhoo, tonight, I bring you the latest in cynical rantings. Since Dory is once again working and is unable to access the intar-webs and even her iPhone is unavailable, who has two thumbs and gets to maintain her NaNoMoFoMe status? THIS guy! I can’t really do the full-on Captain Sarcastic bit at work cuz I hafta be all helpful and caring. Good Lord, one can only take so much of that! I must release some of my pent up cynicism somewhere and y’all are just the captive audience unsuspecting rubes poor saps fortunate souls that get to partake in it!
I know, I know, you say, “But Hunky (uggghh), we come to Dory’s casa to be entertained, not to be abused by your sarcasm and inner nastiness! I mean, who in the world peed in YOUR Wheaties this morning, for crying in the sink?!” To that I reply, “no one has to. I’m this gifted naturally. If you ever need a rude comment or snide remark at the drop of a hat, I’m your guy.” It makes me a better social worker, I think. That and the fact that I honestly don’t like people. But I digress.
I was reading the New York Times yesterday, because I can and it makes me feel superior, and I came across an article that stated that Steven Tyler has decided to drop out of the band Aerosmith. Apparently Tyler is a little slow on the uptake, but didn’t Aerosmith break up years ago only to reunite and go on to HUGE commercial success? Wasn’t the band the reason for the unreasonable amount of money in his bank account right now? Hasn’t he been in this band for 40 YEARS?! Most married couples just decide that after 40 years, it isn’t gonna get any better than this and at least they don’t embarrass you in public much anymore. But apparently not Steven Tyler! Oh no! After Several years of not having any top 10 hits and nevermind the fact that he looks 20 years older than his 61 YEARS, he now needed to concentrate on his brand. Brand Tyler. I can only hope that he means Liv Tyler, because the semi-androgynous, scarf-wearing, falsetto-screaming Steven Tyler brand ain’t gettin any hotter, I don’t care how much you concentrate on it. I’m a firm believer in the adage “A watched pot never boils” so even if you stare at goats, you’re not gonna get anywhere with this Keith Richards wannabe.
They say that he started canceling dates and basically calling in sick ever since he fell off of a stage whilst gyrating and cavorting for a crowd when the sound system was debilitated and he injured his head and neck. The idiot is lucky he didn’t break a hip! I hear those take forever to heal. Somewhere in here is where I should be inserting some quip that would tie into a song title, but I respect you far too much for that. And I’m too tired to think that hard.
If you’re interested in reading about all this inconsequential drivel, you may read it here. Or you may not, it’s really up to you, I can’t make you do anything
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1) I have a good mind to start snarkRus.com. Need sarcasm? Buy it here – downloaded instantly or emailed directly to your target/victim. You want I should cut you in? We can use guys like you.
a) The Few, The Disgruntled: The Snarky
2) Did you seriously just say “y’all”?
a) Are you not still residing in the great Northern state of Eye-Oh-Way? Is “y’all” legal there?
b) “Y’all” is actually singular. “All y’all” is plural. I’m just sayin’.
3) Yes, I’m typing my comments in outline format. I just left freaking GERMANY. I’m practically expelling waste in numerical order. And a one and a two….
CityGirl´s last blog ..Guten Haben!
CG ~ I want in. I need a good release for this. You know what happens if you don’t release pent up snark? No! Nothing turns blue! You just take it out on your other half (better half in my case) and then they cut you off, which in turn causes the other problem. I don’t like the other problem.